Activity #6 - 5 Random Acts of Kindness

Wow we're on activity #6. Not bad, not bad. Hopefully we keep this up. So I had lots of ideas for this next one but I ended up deciding on doing 5 random acts of kindness because of a daily good article. Long story short...this guy in Pittsburgh decides to allocate a weekend to helping 5 random people in Chicago. He creates a youtube video of it and all he asks in return is to pay it forward. I absolutely LOVE things like this. Completely strengthens my belief in humanity and shows me that goodness totally exists. I know you also are familiar with this concept with the smile cards and charity focus stuff.



So our task is to do something similar. Time is usually the restraining factor so I don't expect you to drive to a random city but put yourself in 5 situations that you could be of service to a random stranger. I'm tempted to do a local craigslist thing and see what comes up.

-I want to know what you did
-How you went about choosing what to do...the thought process involved
-And the reactions you got from people

Ready...set...go! I'm excited about this one :)

Astha:

Ok so this was definitely an interesting activity...many things tried...many things learned. Not going to really follow the exact format above. I guess I'll start with the process and thoughts that went through my head to do this activity and then go on with the actual things I ended up doing and the reactions from those. I had some ideas on various things I could do but I also thought the thing the Pittsburgh Good Samaritan was really cool. So initially, I tried what he did. I put up a craigslist ad saying:

Hello people.

So I was inspired to do this after I read this article: http://www.windycitizen.com/print/6994

Like the Pittsburgh Samaritan, I have time on my hands and would like to reach out and help someone in need, be it big or small. I don't have any money to offer but I have time, a good work ethic, a car, and a good heart. I am mostly free these days to help anyone in need. I can help you with your gardening, getting groceries, giving you a ride, cleaning, cooking, running errands, etc.

I am not asking anything for myself but do ask to pay it forward if possible to the next person in need.

Finally, I am NOT going to help anyone with any sexual favors so please spare me the spam. And if you think this is crazy and don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it at all.

Look forward to hearing from you all.

Wasn't as successful as I thought it would be but I was touched by the few responses I did get. One lady forwarded me a message from someone asking for furniture to furnish their home. I attempted to email her but she never responded. Another said she had been in contact with the Pittsburgh guy and was wondering if I could help her buy a front door and storm door and install it...couldn't do that at this time but offered other help but then no response again. And then finally I got a response from a girl saying that the post helps her believe in humanity because she normally doesn't trust people and sent me some words of advice to be careful. She is an aspiring teacher to be and I exchanged a few emails with her back and forth. She had said that it sucks to hear the news everyday with people doing horrible things to each other and I told her about the daily good emails. All in all exchanged some thoughts with random strangers and it was good to see that there is a lot more that is in common than different.

Now for the actual acts...

The Random Acts of Kindness:
1) Wrote out thank you cards to Anna and Kate...two people that have been sending me forms for my upcoming intern year. They have been very helpful in making it a smooth transition and I just wrote out thank you cards expressing gratitude for their quick responses to my questions and that I look forward to meeting them. Kate actually helped start the conversation between another resident that has allowed me to buy all the furniture for my apartment, get that apartment (meaning I don't have to move furniture) and move in early so the gap between when the lease officially starts and when I get there is no longer an issue. So for that I am very very thankful...and you are too because it saves you hassle. :)

2) I wrote out two more thank you cards with $5 Starbuck's coffee gift cards to the two Martha's that gave me my chocolate chip scone or muffin over the past four years at Rush. I've watched them serve the coffee that the hospital runs on, always with a smile and always super nice. I found out their names after I gave them the cards but just expressed gratitude for serving people the food/coffee that jump starts their day. Initially, I didn't know if both of them would be there so I wrote out one card and then sat down to write the other. When I gave the second one, they both came up to talk to me and it made my day. It was such a warm exchange between us...they were touched by the gesture and I was touched by their warmth once again. They asked me when I was moving, that I should visit before I leave, that I should be careful in NYC...just soooo nurturing. I left with a smile :)

3) This next one was shared with Sonz and it made it all the more special and meaningful. I had been thinking about it for a while...that whenever I drive, I see people waiting for the bus and in the rain especially, I'd always wanted to be open to stopping and offering someone a ride. A simple gesture...I have a car, they need to be somewhere. But there was this slight hesitation which bothered me but it is what it is. The hesitation that will I be safe...will this stranger feel comfortable in stepping into a stranger's car (isn't it one of those things that you are always taught..don't get into someone's car)...are they going to think I'm completely crazy..the usual hesitations. Despite this, I still wanted to try but hadn't done it. The day I hung out with Sonz, it happened to be raining and we still had some time. I threw out the idea to her and she was open to going around to ask people. I felt so much more at ease with her in there and was so excited to see what happened. We pulled over at multiple bus stops. We only got one taker...a lady named Lisa? (I'm forgetting now) who had to go a few blocks down the street. The few words we exchanged made both Sonz and I so happy...she said that "no one stops by for anyone anymore...you girls have just helped restore my faith in humanity...be safe...take care." The fact that she trusted us, we trusted her, the simplicity of it all and the instant connection both ways. It made me so happy. The rest were rejections and interesting to see their reactions and ours. A lot of hesitation, confusion, some laughter that what the hell are these girls doing, and from us we were sad for having good intentions but people not trusting us. I know how excited I was to tell you after. And how grateful I was to share the experience with Sonz. If you're reading Sonz, I will always remember that day :)

4) Farah and I were roaming NYC and walked past a guy with a sign saying he was homeless and hungry. I told Farah to remind me to buy some food on the way back. I remembered you at this moment...how you are always much more willing to share food than money. I bought a hot dog, sat down (he was sitting on the ground), forgot his name also, and gave him the food. He said God Bless You and we went on.

5)Finally, this one was also in NYC. We had bought an all day pass for the subway and still had a bunch of hours left. I asked Farah for hers too and then gave the two cards to two people that were standing in line to purchase subway tickets. One lady was ready to hand me two dollars and I told her no charge and she smiled. The other one needed to buy a two day pass and was a little confused by the offer but I still gave it to her. I'm not sure of Farah's reaction to both acts but it was good to get more comfortable doing these things with other people around.

All in all, this activity taught me a lot. I didn't enjoy having to have a timeline because the whole randomness of the act kind of goes away. Definitely made me more aware to the world around me and that is still carrying over. Just noticing people around us...something that I think we often forget to do because we're so caught up in ourselves. I think we both agree that we want to reach a point where these acts come naturally and happen regularly. And getting to come back and share the events with you...knowing you'll understand :)

Raj:
As you know... I've been terrible about doing these posts. I love doing the activities, but we end up sharing everything with each other.. so I lose motivation for actually writing the post. I think that we should really start opening it up and sharing it with others.... because I feel like that would give me the added motivation to do these.

When I first started this activity... I kept a running log... soo, I do have some details....

Doing random acts of kindness is always a strange thing. Because ideally... they should come completely naturally, and I feel kinda weird when I have to "force" them, or I'm doing them for an activity. HOWEVER... I'm not there. I don't always view the world and my daily life with that outlook, so I need activities like these to "force" me to do them... soo, hopefully, one day, they do become just a natural part of my being.

Here they are... in no particular order:

1) Giving Water
I drove home from work one day... and there were two men outside my house. They were in suits, and right away I knew they some sort of Christians.. spreading the word of God and all that... you know? As soon as I got out of my car.. they were walking by and I greeted them. After having solid conversation for a while outside.... about heaven/hell, spirituality, Jesus, happiness, etc... you know.. everyday conversations... it was a hot day.... soo, as soon as they were saying bye and were about to get on their way.... I asked if they wanted to come in and have some water. They took me up on the offer... and so they came in.
We continued conversing about teaching, etc... they had their water and then they were on their way.
While all of this was happenning... I didn't think about the "R.A.o.K." but afterwards.. I decided to count it as one of my five.
In many ways... this was it... I didn't have to consciously think about it... but for some reason, at that moment.. I was in a state of being where this came completely naturally.... to talk to them, to connect with them, to offer them water. I would love to always be in that state of being, but for some reason, I am not.
What else could have happened in that scenario? I'd come home.. feeling tired and maybe a little stressed, so I would see the two people.. try to avoid them so I wouldn't have to talk to them.. avoid eye contact... and hurry inside. If they tried to talk to me? Tell them that I'm busy and to come back another time.

2) Sweeping the Classroom
Going into school on Monday, I decided that I would try to do one RAoK per day. And ideally, I didn't want to pre-plan them.. I just wanted things to come up spontaneously.
So, during the actual school day, the RAoK definitely passed my mind... any time I'd be walking in the hallway and I'd be seeing people do their jobs (secretary, other teachers, principal, etc.), I would think, "How can I do something for them?"...But what usually went through my head with it... was, "How can I do a RAoK!? I am so swamped right now!? I have to make sure that Sergio isn't acting out, that Francis is okay, that Nelzy is learning, etc." Even when the school day ended.. I was in a good mood, but definitely swamped with work. Finally.. I saw you online and I wrote that line: "dude.... finding a random act of kindness... just during the day.. is ridiculously difficult.."
Right when I sent that... I looked at the mess in my room, and went to go look for the custodian.. well, more specifically, went to look for her broom. I found her broom, but didn't find her. I took the broom and left a note there on a post-it "I took the broom upstairs. - Raj". Then, I went up and swept my room, and returned the broom... the note was still there, so I don't think she saw it. So, I returned the broom, took the note back, and returned to my room. The whole thing took me about 20 minutes... I don't think the custodian saw the note. Later on, she came to my room to do the clean-up, and I was still working there... she saw the room and was like, "Oh, you had the kids clean the room?" And I just said, "Yeah." So.. she said, "That's great.. then I can mop today."
Usually, she only sweeps... and mops very rarely... but... she couldn't handle having less work to do.... and so she brought in the mop. In the end, I didn't really save her work then.... but I definitely connected with her.

3) Paying the Toll
I was headed to my sister's place in SF on Tuesday.... and when I crossed the bridge... I paid the toll for the car behind me. I've done it many times before... and basically on this day (Tuesday), I realized that I hadn't done my RAoK for the day... and this was an 'easy' way to do one.
I do like this act... because I'm sure it makes the person in that car think... I'm sure that the ripples must be felt somewhere else... and it is totally anonymous... I never see the reaction on the other's face so I'm not doing it for the personal satisfaction... I'm just doing.

4) Homeless Meal
It was Wednesday.. and I was driving home from school. Still, throughout the day... I had this feeling of... "gotta do a RAoK, gotta do a RAoK".... but... during the school day.. it's just really overwhelming with so many things on the mind. That's one thing I've definitely realized... that I need a clear, still mind to be able to see and do RAoK. I can be actively busy... but I can't be mentally busy.. mentally worried... then... other things always take precedent.
So... driving home... I take the exit... and while I'm stopped at the light, I see a homeless man with a sign "Hungry, please help" or something like that... and I'm thinking, "Oh... RAoK"... BUT, I was in the lane that goes straight, and he was next to the left turn lane. I went straight, made a U-Turn, got back on the freeway, turned around again, took the exit again, and got in the left turn lane. I was about the 4th car at the red light.. the light turned green, I pulled up the man, and tried to pull the side... I stopped there... and the guy approached me... as the cars honked behind me.. I asked him if he was hungry and wanted to grab a meal. He seemed a little surprised, but said yes.... I told him to get in the back seat and that we'd go to subway. And he got in.
We started having conversation.. starting with small talk... where he stayed, etc. After a couple minutes, I already felt connected to him... I asked, "How did you become homeless? Are you homeless by choice?"
And this lead to one of the most amazing, unexpected conversations that I've had... from spirituality, to Krishnamurti, to wasting food, to utilizing resources, to gratefulness, to Karma Yoga, to living simply, to damaging the Earth, to freedom..... it was really amazing. Finally, when we were done... I said, I want to give you my number, in case you ever want to talk or need anything. Neither of us had paper and pen, so we went back to the car... I gave him my number. I asked him if he wanted to be dropped off anywhere... he said he was fine there. We hugged and parted ways.
It was unbelievable... and really at that moment... I felt, "Wow.. how many of these opportunities must I pass up on a daily basis? Each person I cross is an opportunity..."

5) Apple and "Everyday I get to Change the World"
On Thursday, I ended up not directly doing anything... but after school... I bought about 30 apples and wrote up the following note....
On one side in large letters so people could hang it up somewhere:
"Everyday, I get up to change the world."
On the other side:
" "Hm.. I thought I had the file but I can't find it. Basically, the other side said something like, "Thank you for the amazing job you do at this school. Every action you take is for these students and make their lives better." But it was a bit longer and more eloquent.
I got to school early... and anonymously left one apple and one note in EACH staff members' box. It was fun during the day to see staff members eating their apple.... to see the secretary put up the sign "Everyday, I Get Up to Change the World" in the office for everyone to see as they walk in."
The best was... days and even weeks later... I would walk into another classroom, and I would see the sign posted on the whiteboard.. seeming like it was talked about in class.... I would see the sign posted teacher's desk.... in an administrator's office..... And, I think... these small acts... these small creative acts... that don't take much effort... no one can tell where the ripples end... if the ripples end.....

Activity #5 - Homeless Shelter

So.. I'm in Chicago right now and we're about to do our next activity.... volunteering at a homeless shelter. The idea for this started when we did the V-day service activity and when we shared a meal and learned the story of a person without a home. I thought... like one end... is personally understanding the stories and connecting with the actual people who are in this situation. It's humanizing the situation. The other end... is what services are out there for these people? Public services and private charities. Now, I'm sure that there must be sooo many different types of services out there... from Church-run to city-run.... from shelters to soup kitchens to holistic development, etc. But, we thought that let's go volunteer at some type of place that serves the homeless population... continue to connect with people there (because that's what we do), but also learn about the services.

So, today... we helping to cook and serve a meal at Hope House of Chicago
So, here are some reflection questions after the activity:

1) What did you learn about services that are available to homeless? Specifically, what services are provided by Hope House?

2) What is your opinion on how these services support the homeless population?

3) Personal thoughts/connections/stories from the day / etc.

Astha:

1) Whenever I think of this activity, it starts with a laugh because we went in thinking that we were doing one thing and ended up doing something completely different. I'll come back to that...we learned about the services that Hope House offers from Tiffany, who is a business administrator there. Basically, Hope House serves as a transitional residence for about 100 men. Men that are ex-convicts or without means come to stay here and slowly with the shelter's help are able to move from dormitory style housing to a single room residence to the end goal of having a place of their own. It also serves as an overnight shelter for another 100 or so men during the winter months. From what I remember, Tiffany said that two to three meals are provided per day for the residents. Various life skills are taught here to help get these men back into society such as resume building, interview skills, help with searching for jobs, etc. Some men help at the shelter as well. I think some healthcare services are provided especially when entering the facility. Counseling for addictions is also available. This shelter is affiliated with another organization (i'm forgetting the name right now) that serves the Lawndale community. It seemed that both orgs did the same thing but were made separate for logistical purposes. The shelter is religiously affiliated and was started by a pastor - Dr. Lincoln Scott. There is a church that is nearby and many of the testimonials by the residents include finding peace through the Bible and Dr. Scott's preaching.

2) I think that we can both agree that being homeless involves a day to day struggle for the basic necessities of life after having gone through the day of service, our individual meals with Larry and Kevin, and our own prior experiences with the homeless. Any organization that dedicates itself to trying to reduce this huge disparity in any way has my respect. I think on paper the approach that Hope House of Chicago takes comes with good intentions. The end goal is to have these men functioning and supporting themselves after they leave the shelter. By slowly letting them work their way up with help in finding a job, giving them responsibilities within the shelter, and spiritual support, I would assume they build the confidence to face challenges on their own. What I like is that their goal is not only to hand out shelter and food but provide the services that will give them the skills to step back into "society." However, because of the mix up, we were unable to see what happens in reality for the residents of the shelter. Also, my step by step vision could be completely naive and in reality these men may get some temporary relief but fall back into the same cycle of homelessness, addictions, and prejudice that have all played a role in their lives before. I wonder how hard it is to get any sort of job once you have been in jail. We weren't able to find out the types of jobs that the residents do end up getting. All in all it sounds great. It appears to be looking at the underlying issues that are playing a role in the homelessness but because we didn't actually get to talk to the people that lived there...I'm not sure of their success rates.

3)
-First and foremost I loved meeting Tiffany. She totally welcomed us in even though she had no idea who we were and no one told her anything. She totally reminded me of you with a million and one things going on at once. I knew you knew how she felt in that room as she was trying to find one thing, answer the phone the next second, talk to another person the next and so on...:) I felt like we were sharing both ways...her telling about her personal connection to the shelter and us telling her about us. She was soo warm and you could see the passion she had for Hope House. Her dedication was inspiring.
-We go in thinking we're going to be cooking and we end up writing grants!!! How funny! Mind you, we don't know much about Hope House at all up until this point. I didn't feel too successful in the the things I worked on and wondered about the utility of it for Tiffany. It was really entertaining you type away at the Bank of America grant. That will stay with me. And the powerful speech you wrote...in these times where hope rings from the white house to....hahahahahaha. I love it! Overall it was good to be thrown off and do something that isn't our natural comfort zone.
-As I said above, we didn't get to interact too much with the residents of the shelter. We talked to the guy that answered the phone for a bit. He was chilling and answering the phone. It felt a little chaotic in there with no water initially, then it overflowing in the hallway. From what I did see of the people that were there, it just stuck out to me that everyone was black. I mean time and time again we see that in these settings the number of black people are always the most predominant. Males in general are also more common but this time it could be because its a male transitional center. I mean my lingering thought is always that even some 200 years after slavery has been abolished, this disparity between black and white exist. I always end up thinking where does it start for each individual? What homes were they raised in? Did they have someone to love them? Were they given the proper guidance and nurturing in school that would allow them to learn the way they learn best? What went wrong? Who do we blame and does that ever actually accomplish anything? I can never really find answers to any of these questions but the goal is to try to keep understanding what structures are in place that make this happen.
-Some observations about Lawndale...it is a noticeable change when you get to the area. Seemed very desolate and run down. Not going to add more but main point that you noticed a difference in the environment and the thought that the overall picture is linked in so many ways.
-Finally, it felt very natural sharing this experience with you. I feel like we work off each other's weaknesses and strengths and that is a nice feeling to have.


Raj:
I'm not too excited to write this entry... because while I loved how the day turned out, and how I definitely felt that we connected with Tiffany... I feel like everything we learned, we didn't learn it through experience or interaction with those that are actually being served by the organization. Rather, we learned things through our interaction with Tiffany and through their website, etc. Soo.. I don't feel that I have any new insights into this issue.

1) What did you learn about services that are available to homeless? Specifically, what services are provided by Hope House?
I did cheat and I read Astha's reply before writing my own... soo, I don't have much to add to this question.
Hope House provides nightly meals, a drop-in night shelter during the winter, and a more permanent place to see for those on the road to recovery. I think the key is that they are thinking about how to get folks who live on the streets back on their feet and able to help themselves. Now.. are they actually successful doing so, or not? I don't know. Do they actually have programs that are running and successful, I don't know. It seems like finances are a struggle.. and because finances are a struggle.. it seems like having a sustainable, reliable work-force is also a struggle.

2) What is your opinion on how these services support the homeless population?
Hmm.. sorry.. I guess I already got into my opinion above. I think that the focus should definitely NOT be on just temporary band-aids (meals, place to sleep, etc.)... however.. I definitely think this is needed as well.. because these are human beings' basic needs. Hmm.. I guess I see it as a three-fold process:
1 - Providing for basic physical needs for a temporary amount of time - food, shelter, water, clothing.
2 - Support and training so those who have ended up on the streets can get the skills and etiquette needed to get back on their feet, financially. Along with that, financial training - how to save money, etc... are great additions.
3 - A sense of purpose and meaning. This last portion, I believe, is what is often lacking. Some say that first people must be fed and clothed before they can address their spiritual needs. I don't agree... I think all three of these things must be done concurrently. From my few interactions with individuals who live on the streets.... I see a deep desire for a purposeful life. I actually believe that many of them at various points of their life could have gotten jobs if they really wanted it.... but... something else was missing. A deeper sense of purpose was missing.
Now, for each person... what satisfies this sense of purpose and meaning may be different. I think a common thread for most people is relationship. So... how can we, as a society, help relate/connect to those people that may not have any relationships to fall back on? Another common thread that I've seen amongst the homeless I've interacted with... is that they don't have relationships that they can fall back on.... and because of that, often they create a network among others on the streets.
I am just thinking aloud here... but I think that this portion is what draws me to India.. is what drew me to the organizations that I felt the closest to... Manav Sadhna, SIDH, Manzil Jamghat, etc... because they weren't orgs that just provided services... but they also were all about... this search for purpose... not only for the "servers" but for the "served" as well. And that's why... that line between the "served" and "servers" becomes blurred.
Usually... the 'servers' are doing it because they feel like they want to fulfill this sense of purpose (like Tiffany) but often fail to realize that those that they are serving also have this same desire for meaning...

3) Personal thoughts/connections/stories from the day / etc.
Of course... it was quite interesting how things turned out. Like Astha said... we got there and totally connected with Tiffany... she was scrambled... and probably had 101 things on her plate to do.... one of those orgs where the labor isn't divided.. and the few dedicated people do everything. I love these orgs. =) haha... If I lived in this area... just because of Tiffany's warmth and the GENUINE feeling I got from her... this is an org/place that I could see myself meshing with.
While our cooking and serving a meal plan fell through.... we did end up going to Rush Med. School and doing a little bit of grant-writing for Hope House and Tiffany. It was one of those things... where... we were trying to do SOMETHING that would help her/them out... but... I just felt... like, damn.. if I had more time to dedicate to this, I would definitely do so... but... my plate... is already overflowing... and spilling on to the floor, I feel.
It was awesome seeing Vishal Kamani... and what struck me about our conversations with him... was how many times he said, "well, it's meant to be." I don't know if I believe in destiny like that... because I believe so strongly in free will....
Are you and I meant to be? Was it meant to be to not cook and serve that day... so I could see Rush... so we could grant-write... so we could meet Kamani?
Does everything happen for a reason?
I'll leave these unanswered... because I feel that I can argue both sides of these coins...

And like you said.... our time with Tiffany... conversing with her... I felt completely at ease with you. And even our dinner with Vishal... and even our time with Pritesh... and at the bar that night with Pritesh and Sangeeta..... I feel like not only do we make a great team interacting with each other... but we make an unbelievable team when we're interacting with others.