We started our journey with a unifying thread that draws us together: the desire to live more meaningful and conscious lives as individuals and as a couple and now as a family. This blog serves as a reminder of that goal.
I am posting this activity AFTER we both already did the activity.
The activity was: Spend time in nature... about half an hour... and just reflect. Both of us are super busy right now... and at times, quite stressed... but nature has this quality to soothe. It has the ability to automatically put life in perspective and realize that there is a bigger picture.
So the task was... find a spot where you are in natural surroundings... and then just write about how it was, how you felt, what thoughts went through your head...
Raj:
(It's really hard to write this like THREE weeks after I did the activity.) First... I find it really sad that we have to GO to nature... instead of just being immersed in it and living with it... interdependently. That being said.... I went to a beach in Alameda called Crab's Cove. Alameda isn't that far from my school... basically, it's right over a bridge. Alameda is an interesting little island in the SF Bay... right next to Oakland. While Oakland is mostly low income and minorities... Alameda is higher income and significantly whiter. Anyways.. not sure why I'm going into that background.... because that doesn't really have anything to do with my nature time. So, I had heard my students say that they've been to the beach in Alameda... so, that was something I wanted to check out. It only took me about 15 minutes to get there... I went after school one day. First, I took a bunch of pictures
Astha:
I agree in it being hard to actually type these things out. We do it, talk about it and then its like crap we still have to write.
It truly is amazing how well nature can soothe. I don't know if its a combination of actually making the conscious decision to stop and literally smell the roses vs nature's natural beauty, but I clearly remember how refreshed I felt after I did this activity. If you don't know, I have been going through my intern year (i can't remember if that was mentioned before) and life has been a little hellish. I pride myself in being fairly balanced and am just amazed at how imbalanced my life has become. I had been delaying the activity but I finally decided that I needed to when I was post-call. Post-call means I had finished a 28-30 some hour shift with no sleep. I slept a few hours during the day and then woke up to a beautiful day and put on the running shoes to step out into the world. Mind you, it had been 2 months (kind of ridiculous) since I had used those running shoes. Out I went and hello world.
I chose to run to a spot in Van Cortland Park. Though so out of shape, the running was a beautiful thing. To be moving again...felt so good. And then the act of just running past life...when surrounded by sickness all the time...it made me happy and gave me hope again. The spot that I was at basically looked like this picture except fall leaves. I ran through some of the park before getting to the spot and to find such greenery and abundance of nature when almost half a mile before I was in the heart of the Bronx, it amazed me. I still heard the cars in the background and know the city wasn't too far away but still a nice getaway. And then I found a perfect spot (remember Raj I do that really well :)) and just sat and took it all in. I noticed the big things, I noticed the little things. I saw the ripple effect the tiniest movement had on the water, I saw the reflection of the amazing colors in the water and how the colors blended together in the reflection. I noticed the birds, our ducks that seem to always be around, and a white swan off in the distance. People fishing around the lake. Little bugs defying normal physics and walking on water. I could go on but it was great.
All in all, so glad I did this. Gave me a much needed piece of mind and got me motivated to run again. Sad that it still takes such effort to stop and notice the beauty around us but that is a different battle.
And raj I still finished before you. Just had to throw that in :) hehe. And after I am done being mean to you I want to thank you raj for pushing me to do this even though I fought you on it and made many excuses. It was so good for the soul.
In the chaos of our lives we don't get to stop and just be. We want to try incorporating meditating into our daily lives to give us awareness throughout the day. The activity is to try and meditate 15-30 minutes a day for a week or so and see how it goes. Comments and thoughts on the experience.
Raj: So, I wasn't able to meditate on Monday or Tuesday... but I started on Wednesday. Since then, I've meditated for 10-20 minutes every day except for Saturday. Here are some of the notes I jotted down after the meditation sessions 09/16 I had a pretty good meditation session... my alarm didn't go off, though... after a while, I knew the time was up... so I checked... I went about 6 minutes over... so total, I went for about 20 minutes. Lots of floating thoughts, but not stress-related worrying or anything. All just related to my life. They definitely were all over the place... well... mainly about basketball coaching, school, my general sickness, and Astha. I always end my sessions with the saying: "May all beings have peace and harmony. May all beings have love and compassion. May all beings have happiness and goodwill. May we all realize the unity. May I be able to share whatever happiness I have within me, with others..." 09/17 Today... for the first half of it... I was pretty much just thinking about the basketball practice and how I'm going to approach it. When I sat.. I didn't do anything to get me in THAT mode. So, I need to go back and do the countdown and visualization next time. But it's all good... the basketball thoughts came and went. Then I started observing the breath at the nose... and I observed that the moment my attention goes elsewhere is in between breaths.. after the exhale, but before the next inhale. That's the moment my attention leaves the breath and goes elsewhere. Knowing that, I guess I'm trying to more conscious during that moment. Final thought... it's really annoying that my cell phone alarm doesn't always work. 09/18 I didn't write. 09/19 I didn't meditate. 09/20 I meditated this morning, but I'm writing this in the evening. So, one thing I do sometimes when I meditate is at the beginning of the meditation, I will imagine myself at some spot in nature alone. Usually, it's a beach... and I hear, and see, and smell the beach. Then I take a step into the oean... symbolizing connecting with the entire existence. So, I talked about this with Astha... now that we are partners in life... growing together... does my visualization include two people? Should it? Or is the spiritual journey an individual one? So, twice this week.. I decided to start with a visualization... and without making a conscious decision one way or the other... both times, the visualization included both of us on that beach together. This spiritual journey.. is one we walk together.
Astha: Ok, finally getting to this. So I was not so successful in keeping up with the meditation. In the week that we were supposed to, I think I recall doing it 2-3 times. Prior to that I was meditating maybe a little more but have not been keeping it up. i know i have one email i wrote you after the meditation and i've pasted it below.
"hello my dear. so i'm going to email u my thoughts and we can gather them and put them on the blog. i did around 20 minutes today which is increased for me. lots of floating thoughts today. i feel like way too often i was just going through the day in my head and running a check list of my patients and stuff to do adn what i need to remember and i don't kno...a little frustrating. i opened eyes once to check time and i had 8 minutes left. i also switched positions to support my back once. i did note the rare moments that i just completely focused on the breath...it was nice. i felt the stomach going up and down with the breath, i felt the whole breath. it was peaceful. i think the bad prt about writing thoughts is that during the meditation i'm thinking of what thoughts am i thinking so i can make sure i remmeber when i write it down. so i don't kno if its hte best idea. but all in all good to stop and just breathe. i did the combination of the breaths and the gayatri mantra again."
all in all my thoughts on the meditation...its always a new process for me because i haven't really done it in the past. it takes a certain amount of discipline that i always seem to find an excuse for...in the morning, i want to sleep more, at the end of the day i'm too tired and i fall asleep during the meditation. when i do do it, it helps me stay calm. its a step back from the chaos to just be. especially right before call, i've noted that i react less to the physical/emotional stimuli that come throughout the day/night. i read your entry before i did another session once and i tried the visualization part...i pictured us by the tree with the beach in front where you proposed. it was nice. this process would be one of many things that i would like to make more routine.
Yes.. more... Random Acts of Connecting (I like using 'connecting' instead of kindness... because kindness can add this element of 'self-importance').
We're both in different environments and situations than we were the LAST time we did the random acts. Back then, you were in a much more free-flowing situation, while I was working (teaching)... this time, I'm in a more free-flowing situation, while you're working (doctoring). I think we'll both face new and different challenges this time around and it'll be interesting to see how we respond. Also, I feel like it'll be good for us both at this point to see things through a different lens again.
The deadline is on August 2. Get ready to open our eyes again!
Astha: Ha ha i still beat you to the activity. Ok so I've decided while this is a good activity to do because it makes you keep your eyes open to the world around you...it is also frustrating because 1) it becomes a checklist kind of 2) you don't know what counts and what doesn't 3) and in all of this you lose the connection you had in sharing a doing an act of connection.
So the first act was completely natural and it felt the best. I actually got off work early and I was beaming happiness because the first month of residency, especially a hospital month, it is a rare opportunity to have. There have been many moments where I have been very low during July but this was a happy moment where I thought the world was a good place. (I sound depressed or something) Anyways...I was waiting for the elevator and I see this lady with a walker. I was asking her are you leaving the hospital...she's like yeah I was just admitted for a few days. I'm like are you getting a ride downstairs? She's like no I'm taking a bus. And then I'm like I have time in my head. And I asked her well I am just driving home, would you like a ride. She said yes and we went from there. As I said she had her walker and I didn't think to offer to pull up my car from the decent walk to the parking lot but she said if you don't mind I'll just wait for you to pull up. I helped her in and she guided me to her home. Everytime I have conversations with people from the Bronx, I am amazed at people's life stories. Hers was no different. I think Delores was her name. I have her address in the car. She started by telling me her hospital stay and the typical frustration that is relayed with the medical system. It is always so interesting to hear the patient's perspective on what they think is going on with their body and why they were admitted. There is always a gap in understanding and I usually attribute that to the medical team throwing far too much information at patients at once. Then she told me about her daughter and how she had AIDS, and her daughter had a daughter and thank God for the virus not being spread to her child. Then she told me that her daughter had been murdered. The way she said it and the fact that violence is such an ingrained part of the lives of people that live in the inner cities never ceases to shock me. I've come from such a sheltered life and it always amazes me the hardships people go through and yet still survive and push onwards. We shared that shit happens in life but you gotta keep trying to see the good and do what makes you happy. She wants her grandaughter to live with her but she lives with her son. There is a general mistrust of people...she said that she only got in the car because she knew I was Indian and her friend is Indian so she trusted me but no one gets in a car in New York these days. She told me the park that she sits at to distract her mind from thinking too much. At the end of it all we exchanged addresses. She did happen to ask me for $5 which left a negative impact on me because it became monetary and not just two human beings sharing but whatever. I would love to try and go back to see her and share a meal at some point but in that moment, I was able to connect with her and got just as much as I received.
The next distinct act although I don't kno if it really counts or not is I baked cookies with Rupali when she was here. There was no way I was going to eat all of them so I proceeded to share them. Initially I thought I would bring a few cookies to the social medicine people that lived in Monte. I gave some to Uchenna. But then we had our phone date and didn't end up doing that. The next day I went to clinic and brought the cookies there and offered it to the staff, the residents and the attendings. They all liked them :) The simple smile and the excitement from ooh cookies! It was fun.
Then finally, I think it is a bunch of small things. Being in a hospital full of people that are lost in the system there are always a million things that you could do to stop and help someone in their confusion. Often I don't because of the pure madness that is the hospital system. I do take the time to help my fellow interns or residents in anyway that I can. There have been times that I could have gone home earlier or just taken time to sit and do nothing but instead tried to see if anything could be done to get someone home sooner. Poor Zhenya on her first day of dayfloat, not having had any ward month prior was thrown into the madness that is day float and I just remembered the stress you feel...so I tried to help with the little things. I wrote one note for her, did some random tasks for her that is mostly busy work. Picked up her board so someone else could leave and she wouldn't have another set of patients. I tried another moment to use my meal card that I wasn't using to pay for someone else's food but that didn't work. And then I just got some strange looks too. And all in all I try to spread smiles and make the day a little less bleak for the people I interact with.
(I wish I had pictures but I don't)
Raj:
I'm cheating. I just wasn't able to get into this activity. I tried... a few things... but I just didn't gain any momentum. During the time of this activity, I was in a little rut.. summer.. I wasn't really seeing many people... etc... just wasn't able to inspire myself... excuses...
Yes, I know you are behind on your posts but I am going ahead and posting the next activity. Sorry. Get on it! :) We've both discussed how some of these activities end up being way too long. So I'm keeping the next one another simple one. There was a scrapbook that was created to help keep our individual and combined goals in writing. The first page was a general page of our story. The second was a list of my goals with some artistic touches. This activity concerns the next page: figuring out what we see as our common goals for our lives. The task is to write out what you envision for our future and the goals you see us accomplishing together. Raj if you could take a picture of the scrapbook and post them, I think it would look cool. Ready...set...go! :)
Astha's Goals In Life: > Become a compassionate and competent physician who doesn't let the system win
> Learn Kathak and relearn Bharatnatyam in India - ideally I want to stay at a place where all I do is dance for a few months of my life > Take piano lessons again
> Learn Spanish
> Join Doctors Without Borders
> Become involved in the global health world and whatever that means
> Run a marathon again
> Spread joy
> Go to some part of Africa and understand the community there
> Live in another country for an extended period of time
> Learn to paint/sketch... real painting and not paint by numbers
> Learn photography?
> Go back to India - live, work, learn
Raj's Goals:
> With like-minded folks, start an equitable education initiative that is about harmonious living (with oneself, society, and nature) in U.S. or India
> Be happy
> Become an organic gardening expert and grow my own food in U.S. or India
> Go on a longish backpacking journey (hike and camp)
> Learn Table
> Dance!
> Fluency in Spanish, Hindi, Gujarati, and English
> Learn more yoga, praanayam, and natural health practices
> Feel connected with everyone and everything around me
> Live my principles while at the same time, always exploring, sharing, listening, redefining, understanding, innovating, and growing > Walking journey in India with little or no money per day
> Journey across the U.S.
> Struggle for those that are oppressed
> Continue working with young South Asian-Americans
> Inspire and be inspired
Combined Vision:
So we talked about this (this is Astha...and Raju you are failing miserably at this blog) and I don't know we couldn't really figure out specific goals that we wanted to accomplish together. I think we both agreed its not about checking something off a list but more about the process of going through it together. The overall theme goes along with the theme of this blog. I think we would both like to live a life that continues to push us to grow and learn on a daily basis. We would like to be part of the community that we live in and strongly integrated in what takes place there. We want to live simple, sustainable lives. We want to raise a family :) That one is definite. Well all of them are definite but babies make me happy. We want to teach our kids good values and then watch them as they battle us like we battled and are still battling our parents. (I know raj u probably wont' like the word choice of battle) We would like to live in India at some point together. I think those are the basics. You can add whatever I've missed. And as I look at this in the midst of the hellish intern year...I smile...we have so much to look forward to. This is just the beginning :)
Activity #7 (I know.. I still have to post my experiences from Activity #6.. I did the activity on time, but have been extremely late with the posting! My bad!)
Anyways.. back to Activity #7. Plain and simple... let's replenish the Earth that we are constantly damaging by planting something that grows.
Being environmentally-conscious has two aspects to it (well... it has a lot more as well, but two that I'll mention)... 1) Being more conscious about what we are consuming and HOW much we are consuming... and 2) Replenishing the Earth. Often... "being green" only means being more conscious about the products we buy, and using less. However, as human beings, we also have the ability to REPAIR... to REPLENISH the Earth to a richer state. Our relatioship with nature does not have to be a one way relationship... it can and naturally is a two-way mutually-beneficial relationship.
So, this week's activity is simple... plant something that grows. It can be flowers... it can be a vegetable plant... it can be a tree. The only rule is that you can't do it alone... at least 1 other person has to be involved in the process (getting the plant, planting it, taking care of it, etc.).
Enjoy!
Astha: I planted flowers with my daddy :) Germaniums to be more specific. They were pre-potted. My dad used a little bit of fertilizer in some pots and organic soil. We left for vacation right after so haven't really been watering them or taking care of them. I thought about watering them today but it has just rained. Below are the pictures.
Raj:
Every other week.. I've been taking my students out to the garden with the garden teacher. At the beginning... we would try to make up an activity.. but after the first couple times... we just started working in the garden. I love it. Everything in school doesn't HAVE to have pre-set objectives.... that doesn't mean that they are NOT learning... it just means that THEY'RE in control over what they're learning... and not ME... I like it better that way.
Anyways... we went to the garden... and usually.. I'm in the back... with the "woodchippers". Some of the kids shovel woodchips into the wheelbarrows, roll out the wheelbarrows to the garden, dump the woodchips, so another group of students can spread them to make the path that goes through the garden. After we were done, and most of the kids were playing for recess.... Nelzy still wanted to plant some plants. So, we got a "Gourd" plant.... and together... we planted three plants. It was great... digging the hole... squeezing the potted plant out... planting the plant... putting the soil back... adding some compost around it.. and watering it. Also, at that point... I hadn't bonded with Nelzy in a long time.... my relationship with her, in class, has always been a tumultous one. She just doesn't like the class environment, but I used to have great one-on-one time with her in the after-school program.... but since I hadn't been staying after-school that long... that was missing. So... this time spent... was awesome!
Wow we're on activity #6. Not bad, not bad. Hopefully we keep this up. So I had lots of ideas for this next one but I ended up deciding on doing 5 random acts of kindness because of a daily good article. Long story short...this guy in Pittsburgh decides to allocate a weekend to helping 5 random people in Chicago. He creates a youtube video of it and all he asks in return is to pay it forward. I absolutely LOVE things like this. Completely strengthens my belief in humanity and shows me that goodness totally exists. I know you also are familiar with this concept with the smile cards and charity focus stuff.
So our task is to do something similar. Time is usually the restraining factor so I don't expect you to drive to a random city but put yourself in 5 situations that you could be of service to a random stranger. I'm tempted to do a local craigslist thing and see what comes up.
-I want to know what you did -How you went about choosing what to do...the thought process involved -And the reactions you got from people
Ready...set...go! I'm excited about this one :)
Astha: Ok so this was definitely an interesting activity...many things tried...many things learned. Not going to really follow the exact format above. I guess I'll start with the process and thoughts that went through my head to do this activity and then go on with the actual things I ended up doing and the reactions from those. I had some ideas on various things I could do but I also thought the thing the Pittsburgh Good Samaritan was really cool. So initially, I tried what he did. I put up a craigslist ad saying:
Like the Pittsburgh Samaritan, I have time on my hands and would like to reach out and help someone in need, be it big or small. I don't have any money to offer but I have time, a good work ethic, a car, and a good heart. I am mostly free these days to help anyone in need. I can help you with your gardening, getting groceries, giving you a ride, cleaning, cooking, running errands, etc.
I am not asking anything for myself but do ask to pay it forward if possible to the next person in need.
Finally, I am NOT going to help anyone with any sexual favors so please spare me the spam. And if you think this is crazy and don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it at all.
Look forward to hearing from you all.
Wasn't as successful as I thought it would be but I was touched by the few responses I did get. One lady forwarded me a message from someone asking for furniture to furnish their home. I attempted to email her but she never responded. Another said she had been in contact with the Pittsburgh guy and was wondering if I could help her buy a front door and storm door and install it...couldn't do that at this time but offered other help but then no response again. And then finally I got a response from a girl saying that the post helps her believe in humanity because she normally doesn't trust people and sent me some words of advice to be careful. She is an aspiring teacher to be and I exchanged a few emails with her back and forth. She had said that it sucks to hear the news everyday with people doing horrible things to each other and I told her about the daily good emails. All in all exchanged some thoughts with random strangers and it was good to see that there is a lot more that is in common than different.
Now for the actual acts...
The Random Acts of Kindness: 1) Wrote out thank you cards to Anna and Kate...two people that have been sending me forms for my upcoming intern year. They have been very helpful in making it a smooth transition and I just wrote out thank you cards expressing gratitude for their quick responses to my questions and that I look forward to meeting them. Kate actually helped start the conversation between another resident that has allowed me to buy all the furniture for my apartment, get that apartment (meaning I don't have to move furniture) and move in early so the gap between when the lease officially starts and when I get there is no longer an issue. So for that I am very very thankful...and you are too because it saves you hassle. :)
2) I wrote out two more thank you cards with $5 Starbuck's coffee gift cards to the two Martha's that gave me my chocolate chip scone or muffin over the past four years at Rush. I've watched them serve the coffee that the hospital runs on, always with a smile and always super nice. I found out their names after I gave them the cards but just expressed gratitude for serving people the food/coffee that jump starts their day. Initially, I didn't know if both of them would be there so I wrote out one card and then sat down to write the other. When I gave the second one, they both came up to talk to me and it made my day. It was such a warm exchange between us...they were touched by the gesture and I was touched by their warmth once again. They asked me when I was moving, that I should visit before I leave, that I should be careful in NYC...just soooo nurturing. I left with a smile :)
3) This next one was shared with Sonz and it made it all the more special and meaningful. I had been thinking about it for a while...that whenever I drive, I see people waiting for the bus and in the rain especially, I'd always wanted to be open to stopping and offering someone a ride. A simple gesture...I have a car, they need to be somewhere. But there was this slight hesitation which bothered me but it is what it is. The hesitation that will I be safe...will this stranger feel comfortable in stepping into a stranger's car (isn't it one of those things that you are always taught..don't get into someone's car)...are they going to think I'm completely crazy..the usual hesitations. Despite this, I still wanted to try but hadn't done it. The day I hung out with Sonz, it happened to be raining and we still had some time. I threw out the idea to her and she was open to going around to ask people. I felt so much more at ease with her in there and was so excited to see what happened. We pulled over at multiple bus stops. We only got one taker...a lady named Lisa? (I'm forgetting now) who had to go a few blocks down the street. The few words we exchanged made both Sonz and I so happy...she said that "no one stops by for anyone anymore...you girls have just helped restore my faith in humanity...be safe...take care." The fact that she trusted us, we trusted her, the simplicity of it all and the instant connection both ways. It made me so happy. The rest were rejections and interesting to see their reactions and ours. A lot of hesitation, confusion, some laughter that what the hell are these girls doing, and from us we were sad for having good intentions but people not trusting us. I know how excited I was to tell you after. And how grateful I was to share the experience with Sonz. If you're reading Sonz, I will always remember that day :)
4) Farah and I were roaming NYC and walked past a guy with a sign saying he was homeless and hungry. I told Farah to remind me to buy some food on the way back. I remembered you at this moment...how you are always much more willing to share food than money. I bought a hot dog, sat down (he was sitting on the ground), forgot his name also, and gave him the food. He said God Bless You and we went on.
5)Finally, this one was also in NYC. We had bought an all day pass for the subway and still had a bunch of hours left. I asked Farah for hers too and then gave the two cards to two people that were standing in line to purchase subway tickets. One lady was ready to hand me two dollars and I told her no charge and she smiled. The other one needed to buy a two day pass and was a little confused by the offer but I still gave it to her. I'm not sure of Farah's reaction to both acts but it was good to get more comfortable doing these things with other people around.
All in all, this activity taught me a lot. I didn't enjoy having to have a timeline because the whole randomness of the act kind of goes away. Definitely made me more aware to the world around me and that is still carrying over. Just noticing people around us...something that I think we often forget to do because we're so caught up in ourselves. I think we both agree that we want to reach a point where these acts come naturally and happen regularly. And getting to come back and share the events with you...knowing you'll understand :)
Raj: As you know... I've been terrible about doing these posts. I love doing the activities, but we end up sharing everything with each other.. so I lose motivation for actually writing the post. I think that we should really start opening it up and sharing it with others.... because I feel like that would give me the added motivation to do these.
When I first started this activity... I kept a running log... soo, I do have some details....
Doing random acts of kindness is always a strange thing. Because ideally... they should come completely naturally, and I feel kinda weird when I have to "force" them, or I'm doing them for an activity. HOWEVER... I'm not there. I don't always view the world and my daily life with that outlook, so I need activities like these to "force" me to do them... soo, hopefully, one day, they do become just a natural part of my being.
Here they are... in no particular order:
1) Giving Water I drove home from work one day... and there were two men outside my house. They were in suits, and right away I knew they some sort of Christians.. spreading the word of God and all that... you know? As soon as I got out of my car.. they were walking by and I greeted them. After having solid conversation for a while outside.... about heaven/hell, spirituality, Jesus, happiness, etc... you know.. everyday conversations... it was a hot day.... soo, as soon as they were saying bye and were about to get on their way.... I asked if they wanted to come in and have some water. They took me up on the offer... and so they came in. We continued conversing about teaching, etc... they had their water and then they were on their way. While all of this was happenning... I didn't think about the "R.A.o.K." but afterwards.. I decided to count it as one of my five. In many ways... this was it... I didn't have to consciously think about it... but for some reason, at that moment.. I was in a state of being where this came completely naturally.... to talk to them, to connect with them, to offer them water. I would love to always be in that state of being, but for some reason, I am not. What else could have happened in that scenario? I'd come home.. feeling tired and maybe a little stressed, so I would see the two people.. try to avoid them so I wouldn't have to talk to them.. avoid eye contact... and hurry inside. If they tried to talk to me? Tell them that I'm busy and to come back another time.
2) Sweeping the Classroom Going into school on Monday, I decided that I would try to do one RAoK per day. And ideally, I didn't want to pre-plan them.. I just wanted things to come up spontaneously. So, during the actual school day, the RAoK definitely passed my mind... any time I'd be walking in the hallway and I'd be seeing people do their jobs (secretary, other teachers, principal, etc.), I would think, "How can I do something for them?"...But what usually went through my head with it... was, "How can I do a RAoK!? I am so swamped right now!? I have to make sure that Sergio isn't acting out, that Francis is okay, that Nelzy is learning, etc." Even when the school day ended.. I was in a good mood, but definitely swamped with work. Finally.. I saw you online and I wrote that line: "dude.... finding a random act of kindness... just during the day.. is ridiculously difficult.." Right when I sent that... I looked at the mess in my room, and went to go look for the custodian.. well, more specifically, went to look for her broom. I found her broom, but didn't find her. I took the broom and left a note there on a post-it "I took the broom upstairs. - Raj". Then, I went up and swept my room, and returned the broom... the note was still there, so I don't think she saw it. So, I returned the broom, took the note back, and returned to my room. The whole thing took me about 20 minutes... I don't think the custodian saw the note. Later on, she came to my room to do the clean-up, and I was still working there... she saw the room and was like, "Oh, you had the kids clean the room?" And I just said, "Yeah." So.. she said, "That's great.. then I can mop today." Usually, she only sweeps... and mops very rarely... but... she couldn't handle having less work to do.... and so she brought in the mop. In the end, I didn't really save her work then.... but I definitely connected with her.
3) Paying the Toll I was headed to my sister's place in SF on Tuesday.... and when I crossed the bridge... I paid the toll for the car behind me. I've done it many times before... and basically on this day (Tuesday), I realized that I hadn't done my RAoK for the day... and this was an 'easy' way to do one. I do like this act... because I'm sure it makes the person in that car think... I'm sure that the ripples must be felt somewhere else... and it is totally anonymous... I never see the reaction on the other's face so I'm not doing it for the personal satisfaction... I'm just doing.
4) Homeless Meal It was Wednesday.. and I was driving home from school. Still, throughout the day... I had this feeling of... "gotta do a RAoK, gotta do a RAoK".... but... during the school day.. it's just really overwhelming with so many things on the mind. That's one thing I've definitely realized... that I need a clear, still mind to be able to see and do RAoK. I can be actively busy... but I can't be mentally busy.. mentally worried... then... other things always take precedent. So... driving home... I take the exit... and while I'm stopped at the light, I see a homeless man with a sign "Hungry, please help" or something like that... and I'm thinking, "Oh... RAoK"... BUT, I was in the lane that goes straight, and he was next to the left turn lane. I went straight, made a U-Turn, got back on the freeway, turned around again, took the exit again, and got in the left turn lane. I was about the 4th car at the red light.. the light turned green, I pulled up the man, and tried to pull the side... I stopped there... and the guy approached me... as the cars honked behind me.. I asked him if he was hungry and wanted to grab a meal. He seemed a little surprised, but said yes.... I told him to get in the back seat and that we'd go to subway. And he got in. We started having conversation.. starting with small talk... where he stayed, etc. After a couple minutes, I already felt connected to him... I asked, "How did you become homeless? Are you homeless by choice?" And this lead to one of the most amazing, unexpected conversations that I've had... from spirituality, to Krishnamurti, to wasting food, to utilizing resources, to gratefulness, to Karma Yoga, to living simply, to damaging the Earth, to freedom..... it was really amazing. Finally, when we were done... I said, I want to give you my number, in case you ever want to talk or need anything. Neither of us had paper and pen, so we went back to the car... I gave him my number. I asked him if he wanted to be dropped off anywhere... he said he was fine there. We hugged and parted ways. It was unbelievable... and really at that moment... I felt, "Wow.. how many of these opportunities must I pass up on a daily basis? Each person I cross is an opportunity..."
5) Apple and "Everyday I get to Change the World" On Thursday, I ended up not directly doing anything... but after school... I bought about 30 apples and wrote up the following note.... On one side in large letters so people could hang it up somewhere: "Everyday, I get up to change the world." On the other side: " "Hm.. I thought I had the file but I can't find it. Basically, the other side said something like, "Thank you for the amazing job you do at this school. Every action you take is for these students and make their lives better." But it was a bit longer and more eloquent. I got to school early... and anonymously left one apple and one note in EACH staff members' box. It was fun during the day to see staff members eating their apple.... to see the secretary put up the sign "Everyday, I Get Up to Change the World" in the office for everyone to see as they walk in." The best was... days and even weeks later... I would walk into another classroom, and I would see the sign posted on the whiteboard.. seeming like it was talked about in class.... I would see the sign posted teacher's desk.... in an administrator's office..... And, I think... these small acts... these small creative acts... that don't take much effort... no one can tell where the ripples end... if the ripples end.....
So.. I'm in Chicago right now and we're about to do our next activity.... volunteering at a homeless shelter. The idea for this started when we did the V-day service activity and when we shared a meal and learned the story of a person without a home. I thought... like one end... is personally understanding the stories and connecting with the actual people who are in this situation. It's humanizing the situation. The other end... is what services are out there for these people? Public services and private charities. Now, I'm sure that there must be sooo many different types of services out there... from Church-run to city-run.... from shelters to soup kitchens to holistic development, etc. But, we thought that let's go volunteer at some type of place that serves the homeless population... continue to connect with people there (because that's what we do), but also learn about the services.
So, today... we helping to cook and serve a meal at Hope House of Chicago So, here are some reflection questions after the activity:
1) What did you learn about services that are available to homeless? Specifically, what services are provided by Hope House?
2) What is your opinion on how these services support the homeless population?
3) Personal thoughts/connections/stories from the day / etc.
Astha:
1) Whenever I think of this activity, it starts with a laugh because we went in thinking that we were doing one thing and ended up doing something completely different. I'll come back to that...we learned about the services that Hope House offers from Tiffany, who is a business administrator there. Basically, Hope House serves as a transitional residence for about 100 men. Men that are ex-convicts or without means come to stay here and slowly with the shelter's help are able to move from dormitory style housing to a single room residence to the end goal of having a place of their own. It also serves as an overnight shelter for another 100 or so men during the winter months. From what I remember, Tiffany said that two to three meals are provided per day for the residents. Various life skills are taught here to help get these men back into society such as resume building, interview skills, help with searching for jobs, etc. Some men help at the shelter as well. I think some healthcare services are provided especially when entering the facility. Counseling for addictions is also available. This shelter is affiliated with another organization (i'm forgetting the name right now) that serves the Lawndale community. It seemed that both orgs did the same thing but were made separate for logistical purposes. The shelter is religiously affiliated and was started by a pastor - Dr. Lincoln Scott. There is a church that is nearby and many of the testimonials by the residents include finding peace through the Bible and Dr. Scott's preaching.
2) I think that we can both agree that being homeless involves a day to day struggle for the basic necessities of life after having gone through the day of service, our individual meals with Larry and Kevin, and our own prior experiences with the homeless. Any organization that dedicates itself to trying to reduce this huge disparity in any way has my respect. I think on paper the approach that Hope House of Chicago takes comes with good intentions. The end goal is to have these men functioning and supporting themselves after they leave the shelter. By slowly letting them work their way up with help in finding a job, giving them responsibilities within the shelter, and spiritual support, I would assume they build the confidence to face challenges on their own. What I like is that their goal is not only to hand out shelter and food but provide the services that will give them the skills to step back into "society." However, because of the mix up, we were unable to see what happens in reality for the residents of the shelter. Also, my step by step vision could be completely naive and in reality these men may get some temporary relief but fall back into the same cycle of homelessness, addictions, and prejudice that have all played a role in their lives before. I wonder how hard it is to get any sort of job once you have been in jail. We weren't able to find out the types of jobs that the residents do end up getting. All in all it sounds great. It appears to be looking at the underlying issues that are playing a role in the homelessness but because we didn't actually get to talk to the people that lived there...I'm not sure of their success rates.
3) -First and foremost I loved meeting Tiffany. She totally welcomed us in even though she had no idea who we were and no one told her anything. She totally reminded me of you with a million and one things going on at once. I knew you knew how she felt in that room as she was trying to find one thing, answer the phone the next second, talk to another person the next and so on...:) I felt like we were sharing both ways...her telling about her personal connection to the shelter and us telling her about us. She was soo warm and you could see the passion she had for Hope House. Her dedication was inspiring. -We go in thinking we're going to be cooking and we end up writing grants!!! How funny! Mind you, we don't know much about Hope House at all up until this point. I didn't feel too successful in the the things I worked on and wondered about the utility of it for Tiffany. It was really entertaining you type away at the Bank of America grant. That will stay with me. And the powerful speech you wrote...in these times where hope rings from the white house to....hahahahahaha. I love it! Overall it was good to be thrown off and do something that isn't our natural comfort zone. -As I said above, we didn't get to interact too much with the residents of the shelter. We talked to the guy that answered the phone for a bit. He was chilling and answering the phone. It felt a little chaotic in there with no water initially, then it overflowing in the hallway. From what I did see of the people that were there, it just stuck out to me that everyone was black. I mean time and time again we see that in these settings the number of black people are always the most predominant. Males in general are also more common but this time it could be because its a male transitional center. I mean my lingering thought is always that even some 200 years after slavery has been abolished, this disparity between black and white exist. I always end up thinking where does it start for each individual? What homes were they raised in? Did they have someone to love them? Were they given the proper guidance and nurturing in school that would allow them to learn the way they learn best? What went wrong? Who do we blame and does that ever actually accomplish anything? I can never really find answers to any of these questions but the goal is to try to keep understanding what structures are in place that make this happen. -Some observations about Lawndale...it is a noticeable change when you get to the area. Seemed very desolate and run down. Not going to add more but main point that you noticed a difference in the environment and the thought that the overall picture is linked in so many ways. -Finally, it felt very natural sharing this experience with you. I feel like we work off each other's weaknesses and strengths and that is a nice feeling to have.
Raj: I'm not too excited to write this entry... because while I loved how the day turned out, and how I definitely felt that we connected with Tiffany... I feel like everything we learned, we didn't learn it through experience or interaction with those that are actually being served by the organization. Rather, we learned things through our interaction with Tiffany and through their website, etc. Soo.. I don't feel that I have any new insights into this issue.
1) What did you learn about services that are available to homeless? Specifically, what services are provided by Hope House? I did cheat and I read Astha's reply before writing my own... soo, I don't have much to add to this question. Hope House provides nightly meals, a drop-in night shelter during the winter, and a more permanent place to see for those on the road to recovery. I think the key is that they are thinking about how to get folks who live on the streets back on their feet and able to help themselves. Now.. are they actually successful doing so, or not? I don't know. Do they actually have programs that are running and successful, I don't know. It seems like finances are a struggle.. and because finances are a struggle.. it seems like having a sustainable, reliable work-force is also a struggle.
2) What is your opinion on how these services support the homeless population? Hmm.. sorry.. I guess I already got into my opinion above. I think that the focus should definitely NOT be on just temporary band-aids (meals, place to sleep, etc.)... however.. I definitely think this is needed as well.. because these are human beings' basic needs. Hmm.. I guess I see it as a three-fold process: 1 - Providing for basic physical needs for a temporary amount of time - food, shelter, water, clothing. 2 - Support and training so those who have ended up on the streets can get the skills and etiquette needed to get back on their feet, financially. Along with that, financial training - how to save money, etc... are great additions. 3 - A sense of purpose and meaning. This last portion, I believe, is what is often lacking. Some say that first people must be fed and clothed before they can address their spiritual needs. I don't agree... I think all three of these things must be done concurrently. From my few interactions with individuals who live on the streets.... I see a deep desire for a purposeful life. I actually believe that many of them at various points of their life could have gotten jobs if they really wanted it.... but... something else was missing. A deeper sense of purpose was missing. Now, for each person... what satisfies this sense of purpose and meaning may be different. I think a common thread for most people is relationship. So... how can we, as a society, help relate/connect to those people that may not have any relationships to fall back on? Another common thread that I've seen amongst the homeless I've interacted with... is that they don't have relationships that they can fall back on.... and because of that, often they create a network among others on the streets. I am just thinking aloud here... but I think that this portion is what draws me to India.. is what drew me to the organizations that I felt the closest to... Manav Sadhna, SIDH, Manzil Jamghat, etc... because they weren't orgs that just provided services... but they also were all about... this search for purpose... not only for the "servers" but for the "served" as well. And that's why... that line between the "served" and "servers" becomes blurred. Usually... the 'servers' are doing it because they feel like they want to fulfill this sense of purpose (like Tiffany) but often fail to realize that those that they are serving also have this same desire for meaning...
3) Personal thoughts/connections/stories from the day / etc. Of course... it was quite interesting how things turned out. Like Astha said... we got there and totally connected with Tiffany... she was scrambled... and probably had 101 things on her plate to do.... one of those orgs where the labor isn't divided.. and the few dedicated people do everything. I love these orgs. =) haha... If I lived in this area... just because of Tiffany's warmth and the GENUINE feeling I got from her... this is an org/place that I could see myself meshing with. While our cooking and serving a meal plan fell through.... we did end up going to Rush Med. School and doing a little bit of grant-writing for Hope House and Tiffany. It was one of those things... where... we were trying to do SOMETHING that would help her/them out... but... I just felt... like, damn.. if I had more time to dedicate to this, I would definitely do so... but... my plate... is already overflowing... and spilling on to the floor, I feel. It was awesome seeing Vishal Kamani... and what struck me about our conversations with him... was how many times he said, "well, it's meant to be." I don't know if I believe in destiny like that... because I believe so strongly in free will.... Are you and I meant to be? Was it meant to be to not cook and serve that day... so I could see Rush... so we could grant-write... so we could meet Kamani? Does everything happen for a reason? I'll leave these unanswered... because I feel that I can argue both sides of these coins...
And like you said.... our time with Tiffany... conversing with her... I felt completely at ease with you. And even our dinner with Vishal... and even our time with Pritesh... and at the bar that night with Pritesh and Sangeeta..... I feel like not only do we make a great team interacting with each other... but we make an unbelievable team when we're interacting with others.
This next activity originated as an assignment to your class and now is going to be done on this blog. :) The focus of this one is more of a get to know each other better and find out about the people, memories, and things we associate with that make us who we are. There is already a blog of all the kids' poems up on http://ascend0809.wordpress.com/. The task is to create a Where I'm From poem using the template below as a guideline. Feel free to add or delete any part as you see fit. What is the phrase I am looking for here...artistic creativity...that is not it but you know what I mean. You can add pictures that you think go along with the poem as well. Have fun with it and be creative!
I am from (where were your parents from), From (where did you live before), And from (where do you live now).
I am from ___(describe your home and/or neighborhood)____ With ___(describe an item in your house),(describe another item), and ___ (describe another item)___
___(describe important family members or you can describe just one)____ . I am from ___(describe a family tradition or just things you do with your family)___ From ___(something that represents your religion or beliefs)___ From ____(2 or 3 adjectives that describe your family)____
I am from _(one of your favorite foods at home)__, and ___(one of the most common foods you eat) I am from __ (words or phrases that you hear often or heard often when you were younger)____ From ___(describe songs that you sing or listen to)_______
I am from ____(describe a big celebration that you’ve been a part of)_____ From ___(describe games, activities and/or sports you play or played when you were younger)____
I am from ___(describe plants, flowers, animals, or something natural that’s important to you)_______ I am from ____(your wish for the world OR whatever’s MOST important to you – only 1 or 2 words)____
Astha:
Where I'm From
I am from the small town of Pilibhit, UP and the big town of New Delhi, Delhi, From a variety of locations dispersed throughout India and Illinois, And currently from the streets of Naperthrill, IL.
I am from a house that by itself holds no special meaning for me But the house holds the people that matter most to me.
A brother that I like to call fatty :). I am from playing rummy and Saturday morning breakfasts From a powerful faith in the innate goodness of people, And from a strong work ethic and lots of love and laughter.
I am from way too many favorite foods and my default meal, maggi, I am from "You're going to work at Jewel the rest of your life!" From the latest Bollywood song.
I am from the Chicago Marathon, From rollerskating in the basement and building Knex rollercoasters.
I am part of US :) I am from HAPPINESS among people.
Raj:
Where I'm From
I am from the past that has made me who I am, To the present of constant action, reflection, and learning And to the future with you that holds electric potential. I am from Sanakhdaa gaam in Saurasthra, From the Bay Area and UCLA, And one day from the community that I work with and am immersed in.
I am from from playing Tetris with Ams till 1 am. To endless hours of raas and garba, And to the infamous Boodissy sleepovers and Truth-or-Dare.
I am from deciding between football or Swadhyay on Sundays. And from family parties with blue tarps.
I am from, “Swadhyay maa jaa” to “Vaasan karo” to “Chokri sodho” to “Paisa nathi kamaavaa?”
I am from a lifetime of self-study (Swadhyay) and the desire to live more consciously. I am from searching – traveling India, Vipassana, Jeevan Vidya. I am from activities/responsibilitires - UCLA ISU, Raas Team, SIDH, InSPIRE, Educating.
I am a part of US =) I am from dance, hope, nature, understanding, and harmony.
I believe our food and food systems are such an IMPORTANT part of our culture and our value system as a society. The choices we make regarding food are so important if we want to live our lives according to our principles.
- When our food is grown, does it destroy the environment and the soil?
- When our food is transported, are we polluting the air?
- Are farmers/workers being exploited at various stages of the food growing and food distributing process?
- Does the food we eat come from farmers/businesses that receive massive subsidies from the government that put small farmers at a disadvantage?
- Are we relying on the physical labor of others, while we are just the end recepients? (Basically, is our only interaction with our food... eating it? While the hard labor of hundreds went into producing it? How can we stop being the leeches of society?)
- There are many other questions and issues involved as well. (i.e. Who has access to what types of food?)
- Here's a video of an organization in Oakland, People's Grocery, that deals with food justice issues:
The activity:
1) Be involved in the process of bringing our food on to our plate (cook it, buy it, grow it, etc. For right now, the most realistic is cook it and buy it.) 2) Pick one item in that meal and find out as much as possible about WHERE that food came from and WHO was involved in the process of bringing that food to our plate.
Reflection:
1) What was the action part like? Cooking it? Buying it? Who'd you go with? What'd you make? Who's recipe? Did you cook for just yourself or others as well? 2) For the 'research' portion: a. Which item did you choose to trace back? b. What did you learn about where it came from and who's involved in the process of bringing that food to your plate? c. What environmental and/or social justice issues did you uncover? 3) Ultimately, what do you want your interaction with your food to be like? How can you move in that direction? Astha: 1) I chose to make Panang Tofu Curry from the following recipe: http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2009/02/panang_tofu_curry and then went about getting the ingredients from the recipe. Once we decided to do the activity I had started thinking about the process of how I was going to find out where my food comes from and what store would be most amenable to tracing the origin of my food. I went to Whole Foods near my house to get most of the vegetables. As you know, I'm reading Omnivore's Dilemma right now and he has a chapter on the industry that "organic" food has become and how the supermarket with stores such as Whole Foods are promoting this image that we have in our heads of what "organic" is. It was very interesting to step into this massive store with a new perspective. I did the shopping and cooking by myself. I love cooking and never get around to it much but when I do, I always have a good time. I had the music going and it was good times. I cooked for my brother and my mom.
2a) Because Whole Foods tries to promote the "organic" theme, it had the location of where the produce was grown. Not specific farms but states or countries. I also talked to a worker in the store and went about describing that I want to understand the distribution of this food...and he was able to add information. I'm listing whatever I could find. -Shallots - Grown somewhere in California --->shipped to a distribution center in Munster, Indiana (this distribution center for Whole Foods serves the Midwest area including Chicago, the nearby suburbs, some parts in Canada, St. Louis and a few other places that the guy listed)--->then to Whole Foods in Naperville, IL -Garlic - California -->Munster, Indiana -->Whole Foods - Naperville, IL -Lime - (There was no location on this and the guy said that limes are more seasonal and the location can vary, he thinks its from..) Grown in Mexico --> Shipped to California -->Munster, Indiana --> Naperville store -Organic Cocunut Milk (wins the prize for most miles traveled) Thailand-->distribution center in Austin, Tx --> Munster, IN -->Naperville -Carrots --> Cali -->Munster, IN --> Naperville store -Red bell pepper -->Mexico --> not sure if shipped to Cali before Munster -->then Naperville
2b) What did I learn about the process? One thing that I kind of already knew but it was really reinforced when trying to find the origin of each food is the sheer mileage in that is covered to get the produce we simply pick up off the shelves. Each thing that I chose to track was grown in California or Mexico. Each produce product is probably being shipped on its own truck as well and there's no real sense of efficiency in trying to reduce the number of miles traveled. The processed food comes from a farther distance. The coconut milk came from Thailand...who knows where the actual coconuts to make the milk came from, but I'm sure it was processed there and traveled around in the country before it was ready to be shipped. Then is it carried by ship, by plane? How many stopovers are there along the way? Then it goes to Texas and is probably loaded on multiple trucks to redistribute to the various Whole Foods distribution centers by region. I mean that is just ridiculous!!! I can't even begin to imagine the number of people involved in this process. The farmers that grew the original product...how are they running their farms, are they caught up in the cycle of taking loans to keep their farms running like India? The factory workers that are involved in the manufacturing of the cans - what conditions are they working in? Or is it mostly done by machines to reduce costs?
The other main thing that I became much more aware of in this process in learning where our food comes from is what a business the "organic" food industry is. A lot of these ideas were pointed out in Omnivore's Dilemma but once pointed out you can't help but be aware of it. The word "organic" automatically makes us think that the product is more natural, healthy, better for the environment, is supporting the small farmer, and without pesticides and genetic alterations. And these exact associations is what the food industry plays up on. The descriptions of the coconut milk and the tofu all had at least 1-2 of these words included in the packaging. The entire Whole Foods store has these words thrown about. The store often plays up when a product is USDA "organic" certified. I attempted to find what is required to gain this label via the USDA website but got completely lost in all the different sections they have. They seem to have a million divisions (slight exaggeration but seriously there is a lot) for what it takes to become certified in meat, vegetables, fruit, etc. Then there is a list of allowed chemicals to use in food and prohibited. All I got out of it was that there is a lot of red tape and the process of getting certified has become a business. Then outside of the USDA is all these other organizations that pop up in trying to get people to become organic. All these things go directly against the principles that started the organic movement in the first place - which was to get people to become closer to their food and know where its coming from in a more natural way.
2c) Some of the environmental costs are mentioned above...in my meal alone the mileage required for each produce product was at least 3000 miles because it usually came from Cali or Mexico. I bought about 6-7 different vegetables x 3000 minimum. The Thailand coconut milk is what some 6000 miles. The gas used in each truck...thats a long trip to be making. I think my total bill came out to be $10. That is less than half a tank of gas. Somehow its not adding up to the true cost of the meal.
Also, in Omnivore's Dilemma, Pollan was mentioning that the way the organic system has become in Cali, there are 2-3 big industrial "organic" farms that basically grow everything for the big stores like Whole Foods. He visited some of them and saw migrant workers doing the weeding because the chemicals can't be used to keep them away. There are no good laws to protect these workers that work long hours, get minimal breaks, don't get access to water, and are most likely not paid nearly what they deserve. Once again its far from the organic ideal of small farmer working on his own land.
3)What do I want my ultimate interaction with food to be like - Ideally, I would know where each thing I eat comes from, and it wouldn't be taking more energy to get the food to me than the actual energy the food itself provides. How I'm going to do that...I'm not sure. The only thing that makes sense to me is if I start growing my own food and am part of a community that shares what its missing but that at this moment in my life is so far from the truth. Also, I've become used to the convenience of picking something up and also used to the variety presented to me. To actually eat in a sustainable manner, an understanding of what is seasonal and local is necessary and to adapt to that is a step forward. Being in a state that spends what seems like 6 months in the cold and grows mostly corn also makes it hard. I thought eating organic was a step forward but I've realized even that has its downfalls. If I do get to move to Cali...the hope would be to buy from the local farmer's market and since most of this food is coming from there anyway, the distance would be less. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be growing my own food yet but I think that would be an end goal.
Raj:
1) What was the action part like? Cooking it? Buying it? Who'd you go with? What'd you make? Who's recipe? Did you cook for just yourself or others as well? I'm going to be slightly honest here... First, it is hard reflecting on this activity because I cooked the meal over two weeks ago... and so.. I'm sure details have been forgotten... and I still don't have that FEELING that I had when I bought the ingredients and cooked the meal. I'll try to recreate the best I can. Second, I love the meaningfulness of this activity. But I definitely felt some stress over it, because of the real or apparent time crunch in my life. It's definitely something I'm going to have to solve... to really live a whole, harmonious life. And during this activity, that was so apparent. I was just always thinking, "When am I going to buy the food? I really want this to be local and responsibly done, so how am I going to do that? When am I going to cook? Who am I going to cook for? When do I have time to cook? etc." And, like you probably know, if I'm passionate about something... I really feel like I need to do it well and go all out.... sooo, it's really hard for me to go half-ass during something like this. Anyways.. on to the actual activity.
As school ended on Thursday, I was ready to go to the Farmer's Market near the Fruitvale BART station to see what they have. At this point, I had no idea what I was going to cook the next day. At school, though... Matthew, the garden teacher, put up the first produce stand of the season with some of the winter vegetables they were growing! Sweet.. what a place to start my shopping! Some of me 5th grade students were helping him out do the selling... they were complete naturals. You could tell that they've sold things before.. probably with their parents. It would have been really cool if I would have taken a picture of them... next time.
After going out to the car to get some bags, so I wouldn't make them pack it in new plastic bags, I returned and bought some spring onions, garlic, and cilantro.
I put that away in my car, took another bag, and walked on over to the Farmer's Market. Already... it just felt good... the normal mental exhaustion and replay of the day that normally happens after the school day wasn't there.... it was an automatic, unintential de-stresser and 'pick-me-up'.
I got to the market and there were really only a couple of vegetable sellers. I stopped at the bigger table. I had a little paper with me... because I thought if the sellers would give some details about their products, I might need to write it down. I started asking the woman behind the table about the different vegetables, and how they're grown, etc. She saw me with the paper and pen. That definitely was not the right approach... she was hesitant to give me detailed information... and she was probably suspicious of my intentions. Even I felt uncomfortable with the approach.
I ended up buying tomatoes and eggplant.
Finally, I got in a more normal "Raj" mode of conversation... completely natural. And I started talking to both the man and woman (husband and wife) behind the table. The man told me to call him Mr. Mua. They were Hmong, and live on a family farm near Fresno.... A large extended family owns and works on the farm, along with the grandparents. I talked to him about the farm... he said they don't hire any outside labor.. the family does all the work... especially the grandparents. I forgot how many acres they owned... I believe it was 30. He told me about his kids and how they don't know anything about farming, but at least they still speak Hmong unlike other kids. He talked a little about the war... he was about 16 when his family came to the US as refugees, so although he didn't fight in the war, he definitely remembers it. He said his kids don't know anything about it. It was really awesome to connect to him... I want to go back on Thursdays... to further build this relationship with him.
Friday... was cooking day. While I was at school... I google searched for recipes... I typed in the ingredients I had (tomatoes, eggplant, cilantro, onions, garlic) and did a search. I got 3-4 recipes and printed them all out.
When I got home... my mom had already started the chopping of vegetables process. The garlic and onions and tomatoes were already cut. She's such a funny lady. She just thought that she'd make it easier for me. At the moment, these things slightly annoy me... why is she so overzealous? But, in the end... it's only out of enthusiasm... the desire to be more involved in my life.... the desire to help me out in any way possible (even when I don't want it...).
I was pretty tired when I got home.. took about a 15-20 minute nap on the couch, and then it was to the kitchen. My mom kept giving suggestions on how I should cook the eggplant and what I should make.... but, after seeing my irritation, she's like, "okay, which recipe do you want to use?" I ended up choosing this recipe - http://www.cookreceipts.com/miscellaneous/cyberrealm-vol-5/sauteed-eggplant-with-tomato-and-onion-topping.html - because it just sounded yummy to me... and easy to make. =) I was cooking for me and my dad... because my mom does some sort of fast on Fridays... so Mom would be eating the food the next day.
Once we really got started... cooking the meal was awesome. It was just nice to put a meal together, and know that Francis packed my cilantro, and Estrella took my 2 dollars... and the Hmong family grew my tomatoes. Also, it ended up being solid bonding with the mother.
And I enjoy cooking. I've always enjoyed it... but.. once again.. there's the time factor to it. I've never prioritized it in my life...
The whole meal probably took me about an hour to put together.
2) a. Which item did you choose to trace back? b. What did you learn about where it came from and who's involved in the process of bringing that food to your plate?
Well, I definitely could have done a better job with the research portion... but here's what I did find. The ingredients and what I found:
- Tomatoes - from Mr. Mua's Farm; grown in greenhouse; not organic; I asked him what pesticides, chemical fertilizers, etc. were used... but he didn't know the English terms for any of it. He asked his wife, and they had words that they used in Hmong for the stuff, but not English. When I asked where he bought the seeds.. his only answer was "from the company"
- Eggplant - I thought these were from Mr. Mua's farm, but I was suspicious because I know it's not eggplant season. When he got comfortable with me, Mr. Mua told me that he buys them from some company (again, no name) and that they come from Mexico. Once again, these were non-organic.
- Spring Onions, Garlic, Cilantro - From the school garden in the parking lot. =) I'm not sure how they start these plants... what nursery, etc. But I do know that they are completely organic and the garden teacher, Matthew, is the main person who watches over the garden... he has high school interns that help him after school... my students help create the compost that is used to fertilize the soil that grows... my students help him sell the produce after school.... and the money goes back to the garden program. =) All things that make me smile. Matthew is from a bad-ass organization called Oakland Leaf - http://www.oaklandleaf.org/ (Actually.. when I just searched for the website... and started browsing it... I found out HOW bad-ass this organization is! And its main office is just a few blocks from my school.... this excites me!)
- Peter Vella's Delicious Red California Table Wine - I did not conciously select the red wine that was used in this sauce... I just used whatever we had at home... and this was the one. They have a website - http://www.petervella.com/. They're winery is located in Modesto, CA (which is about 75 miles from here) and it's kinda cool, they have their family history and all on the website. It doesn't seem like they grow their own grapes anymore... as it says they get their grapes from the 'finest vineyards of Napa and Sonoma county'. All-in-all.. it seems like a pretty local venture.
- Trader Giotto's Extra Virgin Olive Oil (from Trader Joe's) - It says that the bottle was packed in Italy and that the oil is from the EU (European Union, I'm assuming). I tried to do a little research online... and found this document on the Trader Joe's website - http://www.traderjoes.com/reading_room.html. Interesting stuff. It seems like the Olive Oil from Italy is the most prized... however, olives do grow in California, and olive oil gets made here as well! Good to know since I love to cook with this stuff. So, I would assume that there was all kind of travel involved in Europe with olives, and paste, and processing, etc... then on over to Trader Joe's main distribution center in Monrovia, CA (near LA), and then to the stores.
- Salt, Crushed Red Pepper, and Parmesan Cheese
c. What environmental and/or social justice issues did you uncover?
Environmental -
Well, I would have loved to question Mr. Mua more about their farming practicies and the sustainability of it.. and if that's something they consider... but I think I should definitely get to know him better. Again... I would love for this to be something a little more long-term.
Social Justice - 1 - The school garden is getting the students more aware about fresh, organic, local food that they usually don't have access to. 2- The Hmong family farm... the Hmong are a community from Laos that were forced to fight on the U.S. side during the Vietnam War against the Communists. When the US left, the Hmong were left out to dry. Many of them ended up in camps in Vietnam. Eventually, many came over as refugees in the 1980's. They've struggled as farm workers in agrarian areas of California, as well as labor workers in urban areas. Eventually, many saved enough money to buy or lease their own land, and many have large strawberry farms. In urban areas, and even in Central California, their youth are prone to join gangs and get caught in the world of drugs. They do have a strong cultural community here in California, though, and hold on to that heritage. Interestingly, Nelly right now is working on a project with Hmong farmers in California, and how they can share information with each other and get the latest information on farming, etc.
3) Ultimately, what do you want your interaction with your food to be like? How can you move in that direction?
Ultimately, I think you know... I want to be able to grow a good portion of my food. I want to be RELATED to my food and the processes that brought it to my table. I have a strong feeling that one's food system... is really the key to a society. Because it ties soo many things together. Food and education... are the two main 'fields' that I want to be a part of.
How can I move in that direction?
A more active role in growing food.. either in my backyard or at school. Learning MORE and MORE about gardening/farming and practicing what I learn. Providing full support to endeavors by Nelly and Sampat in giving gardening/farming a more significant role in their life, because in that regards, they're ahead of me right now. Continuing to educate our children about 'food' and giving them hands-on experience.
Cooking.. once a week. Can I do it!? I hope so. Because when I cook... I am more aware of where the ingredients come from... because I want to know. When my mom cooks, I don't pay as much attention. If I just cook... once a week... I just think there will be a domino effect that will influence so many other aspects of my life and my family's life.
Far into the future.... I see us being tied to the land in some way. The land also brings people together... and creates a sense of community. There is just so much... soo much upside to working with the land and growing food... it moves me.... and it upsets me that I've been ignoring it this year.
I just read this article a couple days ago about 10 reasons to start a vegetable garden... I'm going to put the link here - http://www.insidebayarea.com/search/ci_12002754?IADID=Search-www.insidebayarea.com-www.insidebayarea.com. The top 10 list from the article: maintaining seed diversity, self-sufficiency, thoughtful gifts, exercise, cut fossil fuel use, save time, lessons for kids, nutrition, joy of harvesting, and saving money.
Acitivity #2 (I still can't think of a better word to describe what we're doing here): The task at hand is going to be two-fold:
1) The infamous Valentine's Day is coming up. We've decided to use this day to spread the love across the city of San Francisco with a bunch of friends and family. The general idea is to have free hug signs, share a meal with people, and come back together to reflect on how the day went. I want to know what motivates you to participate, what happened during the day, what memorable moments stayed with you, and some personal difficulties, if any, you had with the activity. What observations did you make throughout the day and what were you feeling? My list of questions can continue so overall, I want to know all the thoughts that went through your mind for the day.
Astha: So much to reflect on. Here goes..(this is going to be really long)
Part 1: At first, I didn't even think I would be able to participate in the Day of Spreading Love activity because I had no intentions of coming to visit you. When you forwarded me the email though, I thought it was a great idea and had automatically found my own volunteer activity that would allow me to connect with people and use Valentine's Day as an excuse to do it. But the stars aligned and I got to be there with you.
It started with picking up "our kids" from the school. Some background info: Raj teaches 5th grade and he had offered whoever wanted to come from his class to join him on this opportunity. A bunch were interested but it ended up narrowing down to 4 confirmed kids. I was there in his class when he was in the confirming process and it was so interesting to see the motivation to do something like this from the kids. I'm still not sure exactly what motivated them. I think automatically I want to think that they are doing it for the same reasons that I am doing it: to become more aware of the world around us and to connect to people and to share. But I'm not sure if they analyze or think about it as much as I do. We gave them time in class to make valentine's cards for the people that we were going to see so the whole class could participate in some form. Some of the things I heard from the kids made me cringe a little. They would be shouting out the word hobo left and right and wanting to write "dear hobo, i hope you don't die" in the cards. I was really hoping that they didn't say the same things on Saturday. But at the same time, I did think that what they were saying was completely unfiltered. They weren't making things "politically correct" and then thinking something else in their head. They were just saying whats on their minds.
Ok going back to the actual day...Francis, Sherrie, Jacky, and Sherrie's two cousins Tina and Alan were the final bunch that decided to come. They all jump in the car and are super excited to head to the city. They come prepared with their cameras and candy and LOTS of energy. The atmosphere in the car was very positive and it was just good seeing this side of them outside of the classroom. We decided to do a random act of kindness and pay for the car behind us on a toll. We told the kids to pick out two cards (they were so excited to have the cards and wanted to find their own) and then gave one card to the attendant and then asked her to give the other one to the car behind us. They automatically looked behind the lane to see who would get the card but we were unable to see a reaction. We did see how happy and appreciative the lady at the tollbooth was though. We felt the positive energy being thrown out there, the kids felt it, and I knew that this was going to be a GREAT day.
We get to Ami's apartment and for a bit, I didn't know what to do with myself. Slowly people start trickling in and the significance of all the people gathered doesn't really register at the moment. The kids initially don't know whats going on either and you see them clumping together for their own comfort. But then the posterboards and markers come out and they started making Free Hug Signs, Free High 5's, Spread the Love, Happy Valentine's Day. The girls get absorbed in that, Alan goes to go make food with other people. I ended up helping to figure out where the various groups should go and wrote out instructions with Priya? (I think thats her name). Everything got made really quickly because there were so many people there! Organization was spectacular. We all gathered in a moment of silence before we headed out and the pure energy in that room was incredible!!!!!! A few people shared what made them come out, I saw kids there, families there, people our age...I was filled with so much gratitude that I got this opportunity to be in that moment. I also kept thinking back to the atmosphere of love and understanding that we had during Inspire and we had created it here in America.
Ok I cannot go through all the details so I'm sticking to the questions. What was my motivation? I think the initial motivation for any service oriented activity for me is the opportunity to spread joy to people around me. I feel happiest when I am able to connect to another person and take care of someone. Its easier to care for the people in your life but to put yourself out there and do the same for a stranger, makes me push my personal comfort level. I want to eventually get to a point that I feel every person that I interact in my life, I treat him or her as I would my family and friends. With this activity specifically, the opportunity to serve and spread love to homeless people, is something that I've always wanted to be more at ease doing. I see homelessness on a daily basis and the thought that each person has his or her own personal story that lead to this point in their life is always with me. Yet it is so easy to pass them by. This day allowed me to break that barrier a bit and step into their life even if it is for a short time. Other motivations...do something meaningful on a day that is usually about consuming and focusing on couples. To share the blessings in my life, to connect, to understand, and to push my boundaries were all motivations as well.
What happened during the day? Some I mentioned above. General outline after we all dispersed to different parts of the city...Raj and I took the kids, his dad, Aniketa, and Matt to Union Square area. We further split the group when we got there and then went about handing out the sandwiches and making as many connections as we could. We met again at Peace Cafe and went over the day with the group. Memorable moments? The first guy we met (Eric? I'm annoyed that I forgot his name) stayed with me. He gave off a very welcoming and friendly vibe and we were all able to feed off that a lot. He had the cutest dog and I felt like I was just able to let go of a lot of my own self-imposed worries. I wasn't thinking is he thinking we are pitying him, am I speaking in a condescending tone or anything along those lines. We were just sharing stories about our lives. The kids in general were a huge memorable moment. Going from watching them make their vday cards to seeing them in action on the streets to their additions to the convos at the Peace Cafe and hearing about sharing it in the classroom again was just incredible. Some definitely had more energy and courage then others to approach people but they were there giving their fullest. Their excitement and honesty just filled me with hope for our society's future in general. Watching Raj lead the initial moment of silence and initiating the sharing of experiences at the Peace Cafe was also something that distinctly sticks out in my head. I feel like those moments are when you are at your element and I was filled with SO MUCH pride, gratitude, and joy that I got to share this moment with you and experience you doing what you do best. Finally, the energy of the group as a whole has stayed with me. We all came in with our own fears and motivations to be out there on that day but we came back together having experienced something together and simply connecting. We learned something we hadn't known before, barriers were broken, and love was spread. It was a beautiful thing.
Finally...observations/feelings/hardships. One main observation was the contrast between what we were trying to do and our surroundings. We are in the middle of Union Square which is basically where all the big department stores are, nice restaurants, theater etc. The streets are packed and everywhere you look you see couples holding hands, valentine's day accessories being sold (flowers, bears, etc) and consumerism at its best. But as I went through the day actually seeking out the homeless, you become so much more aware of another world. We met people and heard stories of people that were sooo appreciative of a simple card or a vegetarian sandwich and on the same street a limo is pulling up and out comes a bride in a lavish dress. I'm not describing it well but there seems to be such a disparity and until you open your eyes, you could easily pass this by and not give it a moments thought. Its so easy to just be consumed in yourself and your life at all times. And then when I think of what I FEEL when I OBSERVE this...so much comes to mind. When talking to people and reaching out to them, I felt I made some better connections than others. Sometimes it just ended up being about handing out a lunch bag and that made me frustrated with myself that I couldn't overcome my own discomforts to reach out to another person. I noticed that it was a lot easier to open up if some appreciation was noted and I thought to myself why is it that I need to be appreciated to proceed further? Why can't it just be a selfless act without the need to look for approval? Then there is never enough to provide for everyone out there. I always wonder the utility of these days because its always a feeling that I'm not doing enough to address the root cause of the problem. This one meal and conversation isn't going to get them off the streets. And why do some people have so much while some have so little. Its one of those things that just doesn't settle with me well and the fact that I'm living in the excess is always with me. I appreciate that I become aware and made connections with people that I normally wouldn't and that always teaches me and stays with me but I still go back to my comfortable life. I can rationalize it to make myself feel better that I'm trying and its not going to change overnight but its still unacceptable to me that this disparity exists. I think I play a direct or indirect role in promoting this disparity to continue and I'm always thinking what I'm going to do with my life to reduce it. What are we going to do together to not make this a one day thing? This doesn't discount the energy, love, and joy I felt throughout the day but my one day isn't enough.
If the entry seems scattered, I think it portrays what I felt that day because it was all over the place and mixed range of emotions.Really highs, really lows, some in betweens and just stimulus coming in from all over the place. As I'm reading it ended on a negative note but I think that is my all over the place thinking. There's a lot more that I could add but at this point, I'm choosing to stop. :) Overall, great way to spend the day and I would love to go through my range of thoughts and emotions with you every year. And have the kids be there :)
Raj: What motivates me to participate? I’ll have to admit… that my primary motivation is to give others the opportunity to be inspired, to view the world through a different lens. I love getting people together for something “more”… not just entertainment, not just shooting the shit… but for something meaningful. (Maybe.. I may not realize it… but I may also enjoy the attention/respect that I get for organizing something like this) And… it’s just so much fun for me. I also know that I need this opportunity to connect, as well. So, another motivating factor is that because I live such a “purpose-driven” life… I rarely take a step back just to connect to people, to spontaneously “spread the love”… so for me, these days give me that opportunity to try to share whatever warmth that is within me, with others.
What memorable moments stayed with you? - Picking up the kids from in front of the school…. potentially transformative experiences like these are usually reserved just for the privileged lot, so it was really incredible for me to have a few of my students be there with me for the first time during an activity like this. - Giving the toll lady two V-Day cards (one for her and one for the car behind us) and $8 (for our toll and the car behind us) AND seeing and feeling the kids reactions… knowing that the wheels were spinning in their head… trying to make sense of what we just did. - Seeing you and Priya take complete control of organizing and figuring out where groups will go and making sure they have directions, contact info, etc. =) - The moment of silence in Ami’s front room (that’s a very versatile room…..) - Seeing the reactions of the people on streets to the cards that the kids made and true appreciation in their words and actions. - Seeing how free Jacky was going up to strangers and giving them cards. - Hugging you in the middle of Union Square. - Just being with the kids… through their falling teeth, getting comfortable out in the streets, hyper moments, reserved moments at the restaurant, and the hilarious car-ride home (Francis’s soliloquoy!)
Personal difficulties? Being conscious of what others close to me are thinking.. feeling... Otherwise… I didn’t know I would have to expend that much energy ‘taking care’ of the kids… so I wasn’t really able to connect with the others that were doing the activity with us nor was my focus on the ACTUAL activity itself… connecting with 'strangers. In the end, for me, it was fine that my main focus was elsewhere. On a day like this… I don’t ONLY want to connect to homeless people… I want to connect to everyone and anyone… so, sometimes, ‘seeking out’ homeless people.. makes me uncomfortable.
Overal feeling? An incredible way to spend Valentine’s Day. A tradition that I believe we should keep… for future years. I didn’t physically give you anything for V-Day.. didn’t take you out to dinner (unless you want to count Del Taco)… but I just hope that the day was as special for you as it was for me.
2) This second activity is going to be another attempt to connect to the people around us but on an individual level. I know we've both seen people that are homeless in our respective cities. I have always wanted to sit down and be able to ask him or her about his or her life in an attempt to better understand what happened that led them to this point. The task is to ask a homeless person to share a meal with you. After, reflect on how you went about choosing who you wanted to ask, where you decided to share the meal, and the conversation that came up. What hardships did you face throughout? What internal battles were you able to overcome and what did you learn? Were you able to connect with this person and see a bigger connection with humanity? Also, what were the differences you noticed in connecting with people in a group vs. on your own. Once again..the questions will continue so reflect away :)
Astha: I cut in front of you so I could see the questions without seeing your post. Sorry! And I cheated and read your response for the first question before I finished the second part of the activity. Oops. :)
Ok this one is going to be more cohesive. I hope.
How did I choose: Started thinking about it a few days after we talked about the activity and set up a deadline. I met up Krutika in Evanston, and I saw a guy with a cup outside a restaurant and I made a mental note that I could come here. It was a smaller city setting and seemed more approchable. But then practically speaking, I was in the city and figured I would go after work to look for someone and break the fear of asking a total stranger to dinner and share a meal. Ended up waking up late on Friday, couldn't get to the city but needed to meet up a friend in Evanston again and remembered the person I saw, and was just hoping that another person would be there that I could ask. I was running late and I was annoyed with myself that I didn't get to devote the time I would have liked. I parked my car, and saw Larry standing in front of the Baskin Robbins. Thoughts running through head at the moment...what am I doing, I hope he doesn't think I'm pitying him, is it safe, how am I going to talk to him, and I hope I get to hear about his life. I simply asked him if he would like to share a meal with me. He hesitated for a bit...I felt like he was thinking is he hungry or not and then chose to accept my offer. I asked him what he's in the mood for and he said he could go for a biscuit and he led me to the nearest Burger King.
Conversation...Interesting to say the least. After we got our food..I began by saying something along the lines that my motivation to ask him to a meal was an attempt to better understand people and connect with him and find out how he got to where he is today. The conversation that followed was very interesting. Larry is probably a near 40-50 year old, African-American guy with really bad teeth (perhaps insensitive but it stuck out). He said he was born in Spain to a Spanish father and a Russian mother. He moved here when something about his siblings coming here. (I couldn't always follow everything he was saying). He said he's moved all over and lived in multiple states. Was living with a friend but he passed away and then remaining family kicked him out. He actually currently is not homeless and has an apartment on the west side of Chicago that he got with the help of an organization called Chicago Connection (I think thats the name of it) and he gets help from a guy there (I forgot his name). Rent is $700 or something near there and he pays with his SSI that he got from a car accident a while ago. Was homeless for a while and says that living on the streets is bad. He mentioned going through homeless shelters and seemed to be fixated on the homosexuals that stayed in the homeless shelter and how he didn't like that. He also mentioned that he's seen violence in the shelters and guns have come out. He doesn't trust people on the street and doesn't think anyone should go through that experience. When I asked him about education he mentioned Stanford and Northwestern and I was a little confused. He comes to Evanston area via the train everday and does what I saw him first doing. He says he doesn't like "panhandling" but he'll take what people will offer him and he's thankful for that. And then the rest of the conversation was surprisingly about current events. (Surprising for me because of my own assumptions on what I think "homeless" or people on the streets know). He didn't think Obama would accomplish anything and too many expectations were on him. Liked Bush? Thinks he was doing a good job to get rid of the terrorists? And Clinton wasn't? Question marks because that thoroughly surprised me. I think he mentioned something about Obama picking the same Clinton administration and I totally thought of you making similar comments. And Iran was brought up as well and how Iran is not going to not talk to Obama.
Hardships/Internal battles...Some mentioned above with the initial questions in my head before approaching him. I mean an ongoing one is always who am I to think that I can "help" someone and provide them a meal. I put myself in Larry's position and I wonder if I would feel shame or too prideful to be on the street asking for "help." I feel like I would and because I think that, I would hate to disrespect someone in my effort to learn about people. Struggles with thoughts of my personal security because I'm a girl. I definitely didn't share that I'm doing this with family or friends because of the fear that they are going to tell me that its not safe and what am I thinking. And then frustration that those thoughts are going through my head because we shouldn't need to be worried about our safety because I believe if you give out positive energy, thats what you get back and in that no harm will come your way. The thoughts that if I go into a restaurant with a person that looks a little bit more disheveled, will I get unnecessary attention? What is this person that I'm sharing a meal thinking of me? Does he think I'm completely crazy? During the meal and as I was getting to know Larry...a feeling of deja vu from India came to me. The whole time I was talking to him, I was aware that something mentally wasn't normal. I mean this is coming from the medical perspective but the way he was talking, it seemed that he went from one idea to the next very rapidly and I didn't know what to believe of his conversation. That was a struggle because I didn't want to assume anything but still something didn't feel right and I took everything he said with a grain of salt. With the whole deja vu, I definitely felt a difference in the way I think and was asking him questions and his response to them. Often, I felt like he was confused with what I was asking and didn't really know what to say. It reminded me of when we were at the school discussing the Narmda Dam issue with the villagers, and they were confused by the sometimes abstract concepts that we were asking them. This situation felt very similar and I'm not sure if I was aware of it enough at that moment to step back and try to change the way I talked to him to make it more at the same level. The hardships I overcame..I think the biggest is I did it. I asked a stranger to have a meal with me. I was a little afraid and I still don't know exactly what he thought of my gesture but after that initial conversation, I wasn't concerned about my personal safety. He was a gentleman and I shared a meal with another person. The power dynamics were definitely not fully alleviated but I tried. I got that personal one on one time that is more of my comfort zone and I got a view into his life. I learned that not everyone asking for change is homeless which was surprising for me. His ability to talk about current events was eye opening. He never wanted to impose or take advantage of my offer. He ordered a simple egg sausage biscuit and some chocolate milk. The total meal cost me $5. At the end as we're saying our goodbyes, I got a warm feeling from him and we parted our ways. I was able to feel a connection to him in the end. We talked, I heard about his life and got another perspective on what people go through which always makes me more aware of my daily existence.
Comparison: Definitely different to be in a group and go on your own. I felt a lot more pressure and thought a lot more about my intentions on why I'm approaching this person. I thought more about how I would physically go through with it, the timing, location etc. In the group activity, I just showed up and was surrouneded by this energy that was easy to jump on the bandwagon. On my own, I had to create that and let go of a lot of my own fears. The connection with people was on a different level too. Its easier to get a smile after handing out a lunch and leave it at that positive feeling. But one on one, its more than just handing out something. Larry was still sitting in front of me and to keep a conversation going is an interesting challenge to face. I felt more of a personal understanding in the individual meal. I got a better picture of Larry's life then any of the people we met in SF. Overall though I think the combination of the two activities, made for a better understanding. For future times, I will feel more comfortable in both situations adn each will have helped the other if that makes sense. And with both experiences, I am more aware. I am constantly thinking about my reflection, being more aware of people around me on a daily basis and while I have no solutions to address the root cause of these inequalities, I do believe that if we let go of our own fears and inhibitions we can reach out to people and simply connect, understand, and begin to love everyone around us regardless of where they come from.
Raj:
It was Thursday evening, and I had ‘planned’ that this was going to be the evening that I’ll roam around the streets around my school to find someone to share a meal with. Actually, two nights before, I stayed in SF at my sister’s place… soo, I almost spontaneously got myself to do it then… but ended up not.
Anyways.. soo, I drove to the BART station and parked my car there… and with eyes open, began walking down International Blvd.. the main street in that area. It was around 5:30 pm. There were lots of people, lots of cars… but no one that looked like they would want to share a meal, and no one that looked like they lived on the streets. There was one homeless woman who I tried to talk to… but she seemed to be mentally tramautized in some way… she didn’t respond at all, and just gave me a blank stare… with a smile plastered on to her face. After walking about 7 blocks and returning, I walked around the BART station, and behind the BART station, I saw this large African-American man pushing a cart.
This whole time… it was definitely more awkward being alone.. I’ve done things like this sort in groups, but not alone. The same “feeling” and inspiration I feel in a group… was much harder to muster up alone. Inspiration and warmth don’t just radiate from me… I feed off of the inspiration and warmth of others… Also, being a male and it being night… and me being slightly terrorist-looking… I never know what others think of me…. So that also keeps me hesitant.
Anyways.. so I see this fairly large black man… and a couple thoughts flash through my head, “Is he drunk? How’s he going to respond?” I asked him “how it’s going? What’s your name?” and a little bit of small talk then asked him if he would like a meal… and he said, “Naw, I’m okay right now. Are you from a church or something?” After I said I wasn’t… he said, “Oh because sometimes they come around in these vans, giving out meals… they give Cup-o-Noodles or something like that.”
I was definitely getting good vibes from this Kevin (his name)… and I just felt completely at ease… there was no alcohol on his breath and he definitely seemed like an intelligent person…. I’m not sure how I would have reacted differently if it was otherwise.
So, I began asking him questions… bout where he stays, where he’s from, etc. I’m not completely comfortable doing that… just shooting questions at someone.. I feel, “Why should this person share his/her life, and I just stay closed off?” Anyways.. I was eased a bit when he started asking me questions as well – “Where are you from? Do you live in Oakland? Etc.” And I started sharing with him bout myself as well.. how I taught down the street, etc.
I learned A LOT about him… he grew up in Oakland, went to Fremont High, but dropped out because school wasn’t for him, and started doing various odd jobs. He has 5 other brothers and sisters… one brother is still in the area the he keeps in touch with. That brother has a wife and kid, and they’re struggling… so he can’t stay with him. His mom lives in a senior home (he still goes to visit her a couple times per week)… so when she moved to the senior home, that’s when Kevin no longer had a place to live and was left to fend for himself on the streets. It’s been years.. I can’t really tell how many… that he’s lived on the streets. He’s tried shelters, but he doesn’t like them because he said there are lots of fights there, convicts, alcohol, and all that… and he tries to stay away from that stuff. He said, he tried living on the streets in SF… but felt it was more dangerous there…. While in Oakland, people just left him alone. At times, he’s had places to stay… through some agency, he’s worked as like house-help for severely disabled old people… and during these gigs, he gets a room to stay in and some money. But, he said he hadn’t worked like that in a couple of years. We also talked about other things… we talked about Obama, about education, about police and crime, etc.
What amazed me… was that there was no hesitation on his end to share. It was like he just waiting to share all of this. I feel… like especially in this country… people usually start with distrust of the other… and the other has to ‘earn’ their trust. But this man… there may have been a little feeling out period in the beginning… but very soon was able to trust.
After a while, I asked him again, “I’m going to get some food, would you like to join me?” This time, he replied, “Well, where are you going?” and I told him some Taqueria, get some Mexican food… Kevin: “Okay, I know a place with good burritos.”
So, then we walked… he pushed his cart along, and I walked alongside with him… both of completely engrossed in our conversation…. me trying to understand him, and him just sharing and every-now-and-then asking me questions back. I love the fact that other people on the street would be looking at us with a puzzled look….. messing with people’s assumptions and notions of what’s normal… as you know, I love that. =) But for him and I… in that moment… there was nothing awkward.
We ordered our food (steak burrito and vegetarian burrito… he’s like, “oh, you’re vegetarian?” and we talked bout that and when and why I decided, etc.) and took it “to go” because he said that he smelled and wouldn’t want to sit inside…. Sooo, we got our food and walked back to behind the BART station, where we were sitting before. For another 30-45 minutes or so… we ate… and talked….
He had told me that on Friday, he wanted to see his social worker to figure out how to get his money…. And he needed money for public transportation … I told him I’d give him a couple dollars. I didn’t give it to him right then… and he enver mentioned it again….. but, at the end, I gave him a couple of dollars… and I gave him my phone number. I really felt close to this guy and I think he felt the same way.. we probably spent over an hour together… and I will definitely look for him in that area again.
What hardships and internal battles did I face?
Well… one, ideally, I would love if these types of things come up NATURALLY. I don’t like the feeling of going out and “looking for” someone homeless to eat a meal with. However, because of the life-style I have chosen (everything is purpose-driven), I need to have that set purpose in mind to actually do it. Another internal battle was the asking of questions. I definitely wanted to learn his story, but I didn’t want to ‘interview’ him… and I think because he was so open, and turned it into more of a conversation, I was able to get over that.
For the time that we were together… I felt like we were on the same plane. Yeah, I paid for his meal… but TO ME, it felt the same as it does when I pay for a friend’s meal. I’m sure for him it felt differently. But regardless… I didn’t really have anything with me… and it was just him and I sitting behind the BART station on a bench-type thing.
After we finished our meal… I told him that I’m going to be heading out soon. And… I realized… how comfortable I was with him, and how comfortable he was with me. I asked him if he usually stays here… hoping that if he does, I could visit him in the future… but he said, he does sometimes, but he’s usually moving around. I said, “Hey, do you want my number in case you can get to a phone and you need anything?” And he said, yes. But neither of us had a pen or paper at that point. So, I said, “Let me get a pen and paper from car, I’ll be right back.” When I said that… to me, the different levels of privilege came rushing back… I have a car… I am going to soon leave this place in my car…. And he’s not.
I came back and gave him my phone number and $2. I asked him if he wanted to be taken anywhere right now, that I could drop him off… but he said no. During the entire conversation, he never looked at me while he talked… he would always be looking away. At the end, when we said our good-byes… he looked me in the eye…. And I could see the appreciation and warmth coming from him. As cheesy as it may sound, I truly felt connected to Kevin. I wish that one day… I get a random phone call from this man. I wish that one day when I’m walking around the BART station.. I see him again.
Out I went and hello world.
Yes, I know you are behind on your posts but I am going ahead and posting the next activity. Sorry. Get on it! :) We've both discussed how some of these activities end up being way too long. So I'm keeping the next one another simple one. There was a scrapbook that was created to help keep our individual and combined goals in writing. The first page was a general page of our story. The second was a list of my goals with some artistic touches. This activity concerns the next page: figuring out what we see as our common goals for our lives. The task is to write out what you envision for our future and the goals you see us accomplishing together. Raj if you could take a picture of the scrapbook and post them, I think it would look cool. Ready...set...go! :)
